But maybe I already am!?

Who is a philosopher?

The one who studies it? Or the one who twists his thoughts so much that in the end no one understands him?

I dare to hope that the image of a person who thinks about understanding the world is more likely to emerge behind the term.

Who do we call a philosopher?

Since definitions are quite an essential part of my thinking, I did a little research on who we usually call a philosopher. With this, I would like to get closer to a statement, or a denial.

A philosopher is someone who does not accept the world as given, but questions, examines and interprets it. In the process, he makes his own thinking an object of investigation just like reality.

A philosopher does not simply “deal with knowledge”, but questions the foundations of knowledge. He is not primarily interested in what we know, but in how we know what we know, and what truth, reality or understanding means in general.

In the simplest possible summary, perhaps we could say this: a philosopher is not someone who knows something, but someone who does not stop asking questions.

I am a philosopher!

This is the statement I wanted to arrive at. I do not have to retreat into denial.

The interesting thing about my own path is that philosophy dances with Buddhism in my life. And the two ideologies beautifully show what I feel my understanding is moving towards at its own pace.

The philosopher primarily wants to understand. The Buddhist practitioner primarily wants to be liberated.

I work on my understanding every day. And I already understand that my liberation cannot be learned. It cannot be comprehended. It cannot be desired. And it is not a goal.

Classical philosophy is more insistent on strict forms of reasoning. On the other hand, I rely heavily on my direct experiences and inner experiences. This also brings me closer to Buddhism.

That is why I will complement my previous thought. According to the textbook definition, I am partly a philosopher. After all, instead of thinking about reality, I chose to experience reality directly.

My philosophy does not live in concepts. It does not work in language. It is not necessarily debatable. On the contrary, it breathes in experience. It is heading towards silence. And he doesn’t want to win an argument.

Yes! I’m a philosopher!

My philosophical system

Like every philosopher, I have a vision of the world. My own vision. I call it a system.

This system contains the cornerstones of the form of the world I know. In recent weeks, I have begun to summarize and organize these thoughts about the world into a unified written system.

Since I see the world through these perspectives, I quickly realized that these elements of the system are exactly in the same direction as the other vision I had formed a few months ago. In other words, the fact that I feel good about the world is precisely because I see it through these perspectives.

With this, I have come a very serious step closer to my desire to give you my own world.

My book

This is where two intentions came together in me.

In 2003, I first stated that I wanted to write a book. Perhaps the many years that have passed since then are proof that I am not the impatient type.

The creation is not a sudden idea. It is 23 years.

The other intention is only 4 months old, this is the aforementioned “giving you my world” idea.

According to my current idea, a book is one of the best ways to show what I want to convey.

Along with the connection of the corner points, another thing came true, and I myself did not expect this.

Since the beginning of 2022, I have started to develop four ideas that I had imagined as four separate books until the beginning of the aforementioned systematization work.

During the work, it became clear to me that the four ideas were not the content of four separate books. With a natural ease, the four ideas integrated into one unit.

How to proceed?

So I have the intention. I have the topic. I have the thoughts. Now I just have to create that book.

Maybe one day I will become a writer.

I am writing a story that has been told many times for the first time, because it is exactly where it belongs.

From 2001 to 2005 I completed the following writing courses of the Hungarian Writers’ Training Association:

• Beginner Writing Course
• Advanced Writing Course
• Short Story Writing Course
• Applied Writing Course
• Writing and Self-Awareness Course

Three years ago, I started attending the local group organized by the Hungarian Writers’ Academy, which was called the Literary Circle.

I was excitedly preparing for the first meeting. Especially since the members included a hospital chief physician, whose book was already available at the time, under the supervision of a major publisher in the book market.

I read the book before the first meeting and thought it was a great work from the very first pages. (The author’s second book has since been published, and I read it on Koh Samui. This work adds another layer to the excellence of the first book.)

So, I was excitedly preparing for the first meeting. Yet, writing would be the only common theme of a small group, in which, moreover, one – certainly experienced – member would also participate.

The meeting was in a café. The chief physician arrived a good half hour late.

As she entered the café, she looked at us and asked, “Are you the writers?”

Almost everyone answered with a resounding “Yes, we are!”

I was the only one who said quietly but clearly, “I am not a writer.”

If this book is finished and I ever have coffee with this writer again, maybe I will answer differently.

The post 244. | A system in the making: I started my book first appeared on Digital Nomad Blog.

Summary

A message from the past arrives unexpectedly and shows me how much I've changed. A request for help, boundaries, and a question for the future.

On Saturday night, I had a special experience.

A friend from my youth wrote to me. The friend with whom we spent a lot of time together, but then life swept us apart.

He appeared not as a shadow, but as a messenger from the past.

Now I can see why he reappeared just now.

Summer meeting

In the early 90s, we were together a lot and were good friends. Then everyone went their separate ways and we didn’t keep in touch anymore.

We haven’t met often in the past thirty years. Maybe only three times.

These meetings always followed the same scenario. After the brief introduction of how are you and how are you, I would have liked to continue the conversation I had started, but the old friend said goodbye with the phrase “unfortunately, I have to go now, but I will call you anyway”.

Then he never called.

In the summer, on one of my last days in Hungary, we ran into each other again. There we deviated from the scenario described above. Although he was still in a hurry and said the closing lines of the scene, something happened.

With the realization of “I’m in a hurry, but I don’t want to have a quarter of an hour to talk,” he finally stayed with me and we talked for a while. We also updated each other’s phone numbers and he promised to call.

I didn’t really believe it. So it’s understandable that I was surprised when his message flashed on my phone on Saturday.

So you’ve made it this way

Our conversation started with his inquisitive question. “How are you?”

I started telling him about my experience, and his first reaction was this sentence: “So you’ve made it this way.”

It’s an interesting contrast to how differently this kind of surprise from a dear friend of mine, who regularly reads my writings, had affected me two days earlier: “It’s unbelievable that you’ve taken the plunge.”

It was strange to feel the vibrations in that sentence months after I had physically started.

I didn’t set out to transform my life to be an example. But this thought had come up very often in many conversations over the past year, so I suddenly accepted this role.

This thought was also an important part of Saturday’s experience, which is why I had to deviate from the conversation a little.

I am happy and happy to tell you how I am, but I try to leave space for my conversation partners. So after a few sentences I asked the question: “How are you? Have you changed since the summer?”

Let’s leave it at that…

The above answer already made me aware of the seriousness of the situation.

He’s in trouble…

In serious trouble, the following sentences made this clear without any special explanation.

I have many friends whose problems I have known for a long time, I see peaks and valleys that have been going on for years. Deepening health problems, existential crises are shared with me in confidence by old and new acquaintances.

This situation was completely different now. Simply because it came very suddenly, without any precedent. It almost crashed down on me.

And it is also different because I now see the world and my role in it with different eyes.

The feeling that someone wants help appeared in me immediately and clearly. Along with the warning that I should behave as a professional and not as an old friend.

There were many sentences uttered in the old friend’s cry for help that could have immediately dragged me into the vortex. Yet it didn’t happen that way.

The fact that certain sentences were mine 10+ years ago no longer shakes my present. With some sentences, I specifically remembered how many years ago this question was for me too, and how many years ago I let him go.

It was a very comforting feeling for me that – as I have so often before – I still feel the other person, that my typical empathy works, but I definitely react differently.

Tell me! How did you manage to get out of this?

After the long description of the case, this sentence suddenly appeared.

The unspoken request for help became explicit.

This sentence had already begun to take shape a few lines earlier. After all, I am a role model. My friend introduced the above question this way: “I envy” your attitude towards things.

It was not by chance that I left out the mention of specifics from this writing. From this point on, my hands are tied not only by friendly discretion, but also by professional etiquette.

According to my intentions, we will start working together in a cautious way.

A special experience

If I stopped here, the experience would be special.

For me, however, it became so for something else.

Lately, I have been working on repositioning my functioning and my place in the world in my head and for some time now on a practical level.

I believe and feel that I have gained a strong presence in my own life through the experiential path. I believe and feel that I can help others find this as well.

But I allow myself to have doubts and fears about whether I will embark on the path I have seen.

And then a “Tell me! How…” question comes and tips the scales in a special way.

This experience has become special among my many “Synchronicity” experiences.

A voice spoke from my past into my present.

And it spoke to the future.

The post 194. | A voice from the past first appeared on Digital Nomad Blog.