70. | Fear II.

In my article “On the way to my subconscious”, I mentioned that a few weeks ago – on 03.17 to be exact – I met a friend of mine, with whom I talked about our lives during a walk. He asked me why I need fear? As I wrote in the above article, I answered that I don’t need fear. Rather, I am just very curious whether there is a barrier, a hidden restraint inside me that I don’t know about. A fear that is so strong that I even hide it from myself. I accept that I don’t feel fear on a conscious level, but I am curious that there is nothing inside either.

After the time available for the conversation was up, we went about our business. So, I parked in front of the appropriate building more than an hour before the start of the autogenic relaxation course. I was hungry, and my first thought of eating a hamburger somewhere quickly, I immediately let go. I knew that there was a nice little restaurant a few blocks away. I decided to have a “regular” dinner there. I had already chosen the right dish from the board at the door, so when I went in and it turned out that there was a free table, I immediately placed my order. The waitress was surprised that I didn’t even ask for a menu. When asked what to drink, I told her to bring a lemonade with a surprise flavor. Anything would be good. It always makes me smile that people are usually surprised by this request. There have been instances where someone took the menu and left smiling, but most of the time they perceive this sentence as a difficult task to solve. Fortunately, everything went smoothly here.

While I was waiting for dinner, I started reading Ian Soltész’s book: Superpersonality, which I have already referred to several times here on the blog. And here we are again rowing into the territory of “Synchronicity, coincidences, flow”. Because, as I sat there peacefully, sipping my surprise-flavored lemonade, I leafed through my book, and after reading a few pages, I came to the part where – to my surprise – I read: “If you want to start increasing your self-confidence right now, then take a piece of paper and write down your current fears.”

And I read a very comprehensive summary of what this does, what I gain from it. I read very similar thoughts here to what I already wrote in the post “About my fears – Simon Sinek”. What made these few pages special is that Ian put together a great little list of questions. I’m quoting it here by adding my own thoughts to it, in a table format. So, if you don’t want to read the list twice, then jump straight to the table.

When you write down your fears, it’s worth collecting those that are due to your cowardice and lack of self-confidence. Think about things like:

I’m afraid to say no, to set boundaries, to stand up for myself, to confront, to take the initiative, to go to a complete strangers, to ask someone out on a date, to talk about my feelings, to ask someone for something, to talk about my needs. I’m afraid to trust again, to change jobs, to get divorced, to get together with someone, to travel alone, to move abroad, to go to the gym, to text someone I’m angry with to make up, to say I love you for the first time, to go to the movies or to a restaurant alone. I’m afraid to post a photo or video of myself, I’m afraid of public speaking and giving speeches, going to a training, lecture or retreat alone, asking for help from a professional, breaking up with a toxic person, writing my own book, enrolling in a new course, asking for a raise, sewing up a mess, making a decision about something important. I’m afraid of taking responsibility, crying in front of others, initiating a hug, going for a test, I’m afraid of other people’s opinions, criticism, mean people, I’m afraid of wearing a certain outfit, speaking in a foreign language, I’m afraid of being alone, of silence, of rejection, of offending others.

Write these, these and similar things down! If you have your list ready, I have good news for you. That you have written two lists right away. Because the list of your fears is also the list of your self-confidence. And with this comes the next sacred step.

I’m not looking for my own items for this list, because all this “I’m not afraid” stuff is boring to me. I don’t think I’ll stop looking for fear, but I don’t know if there will ever be an article titled Fear III.