Summary
I came closer to understanding the nature of desire. I no longer wanted to fight it. The decision became that simple for me.
The cause of suffering is desire. This idea is one of the “fundamental principles” of Buddhism.
I have been preoccupied with this idea for more than a year. I have often spoken about it.
More precisely, the definition is complete, that the cause of suffering is desire, attachment and ignorance. And it is not called a fundamental principle. But I will write a new post about this in the near future.
The clarification was important to me only because I encounter this simplified formulation most often. I not only read it, but I also hear this form quoted in many self-development lectures.
Recently, I have come closer to understanding the truth inherent in this principle.
To understand what I have so far only felt.
Desire as the cause of suffering
I – if I remember correctly – first encountered this idea in a form that seemed like a fairly straightforward explanation. If I desire, I will certainly be disappointed, because reality rarely follows the imagined (desired) reality. If I am disappointed, I suffer. So the solution is just one short and logical step: there is no need to desire, so we will not be disappointed and then we will live happily until we die.
I remember how happy I was to swallow the simplified pill. It sounds so simple! There is nothing left to be happy. I give up desire and I am already happy. Forever!
However, somehow it seemed clear to me while consuming the example that this is so difficult to reconcile with the real world. The world in which we all live.
However, during the conversations I often felt stupid when this topic was brought up.
Because I can only feed myself by saying there is no desire, no unhappiness, but my conversation partners often raised their heads at this part.
What do we call desire?
I had a hard time answering the question of how it is possible to live without desires.
After all, we all always desire something. That is why we study. That is why we work. Let there be knowledge, let there be a salary. We want to create a home with money, we want to create a beautiful future for our children.
Of course, we don’t forget about ourselves in the process. We need new shoes, a new color for the walls, a new car. We want to invite our loved ones over. We want to go on vacation. We want to feel good. We want to be happy…
These are all desires. We can also call them goals to avoid the word desire, but it would be a weak attempt to make ourselves and others believe that we don’t desire anything.
So perhaps we can agree that most of us are in a state led by our desires at every moment. Moreover, these are almost certainly programs running in parallel.
Therefore, when I thought and talked about the solution of wanting to live without desires, my conversation partners often expressed their incomprehension.
Actually, I didn’t understand how I meant it either, because I simply couldn’t express myself with thoughts or words. I only had the certain feeling that the truth was somewhere inside me, I just didn’t understand it exactly yet.
The answer has arrived
After many months, I understood it.
Yet it is not easy to describe. Perhaps because I feel these thoughts at the point where my thinking begins to surpass itself. As I wrote the previous sentence, I realized that I had instinctively described the essence of what I understood:
… I feel these thoughts …
I write them down, simply, without explanation. Then I try to give an example of what this means to me.
Desire in itself is not a problem. Buddhism does not ask me not to desire. It asks me not to identify with my desire. I must not confuse desire with the thought that without it I am not complete.
Moreover – and perhaps this is the most difficult thing for us, those approaching Buddhism from the outside, to understand – Buddhism is not in tension with my desire. It is with the way I try to “handle” this desire.
The example that appeared in my mind is a beautiful red Porsche. I really want a car like this. I work hard to have it. This is my desire. I remind myself once again that many people call this a goal: my goal is to have a red Porsche under my ass. My desire is for hot girls to get into this car. Those who think this way are wrong: there are two desires here.
So I work, I save, I organize my life so that I can have this car. So far there is no tension, because I am happy. I am moving towards the goal/desire, and the day is getting closer when I can get the car from the dealership.
Desire starts to create tension when the road gets bumpy. When suddenly the car is two steps further away from where it was yesterday. At such times, thoughts come to mind that “I am not good enough.” “I can’t do this either(!).”
This is where we identify with desire. And this is where suffering appears.
How do I do it differently?
I’m not sure I’m the one who needs to be told this, nor am I right. I just want to write down my thoughts.
I feel like the answer is very simple.
We need to reach a state where desire doesn’t drive us or define us or become evidence.
I’ll do everything I can to have this hot car, but I’ll accept it if I don’t get it. That won’t prove that I’m a loser. I won’t be any less for not achieving it. (Quietly, in parentheses, under the root: just as I won’t be any more for achieving it!) Not being able to fulfill my desire is not a failure. I did everything I could for it and that’s much more important than achieving the goal/desire.
I know quite a few people who, upon reading the above paragraph, would say, “That’s what a loser talks about.” Now I know what I would say to them.
Thank you for being honest with me and telling me that you think I’m a loser. I don’t feel the way you do. Because even though I haven’t achieved the Porsche, I’m much closer to something much more important.
Buy me a coffee?
If you enjoyed this story, you can buy me a coffee. You don’t have to – but it means a lot and I always turn it into a new adventure.
Buy a coffee for Steve
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