When I was planning to write this article, I decided to read one of my previous articles first.
It’s about an entry titled “The art of saying goodbye“.
I wrote this fifteen months ago.
I’m not just curious to see if my thoughts at the time have changed.
New thoughts have also emerged since then.
I’ll see if anything has changed, how I relate to the thoughts expressed there, and what the new feeling is.
Findings from the past
I left three months after writing the aforementioned post.
At that time, I wrote down a few thoughts that concerned my future.
I’m not a fortune teller. I simply wrote down what I felt at the time.
Farewell is not the end
“ … something will end. … something will begin now… I simply continue living my life. The journey continues.”
This has not changed in me since then.
But I feel the infinity of the journey much more clearly. A year ago it was just a feeling, an idea, a grayer picture. Today it is an experience, the happening of the present and a thousand times more colorful picture.
“Actually, the way of keeping in touch will change. … Then why would there be a need for big goodbyes.”
It really didn’t take much talent to foresee the only form of keeping in touch. After many months, I see that I have no problem with this method, just as I imagined it to be without problems at the time. We have been in touch with many friends since then in this only form.
But here is an important change. What I knew even before leaving. Back then it was just a decision, but now it has also become a reality. I have placed keeping in touch in the field of reciprocity. I no longer have a relationship with anyone I don’t work with to keep a relationship alive.
Soma always held on to the relationships he had. For decades, he tried to maintain relationships that seemed very one-sided even then. He always gave his energy to these – otherwise dysfunctional – relationships. Because he had it and loved to do it.
I still have the same energy today. But today I don’t want to give anymore. It’s a simple decision on my part. Today I prefer to focus the resources I have on myself. My remaining relationships are still there. New ones receive when we are together.
But after the breakup, I only give as much as I receive. I realized the importance of balance. In the moments we spend together, we take the energy out of the relationship, and then we break up and the energy goes to a lower level.
We sometimes talk to the many people we’ve met in the past year. Sometimes they write to me, sometimes I write to them. If I write and there is no answer, I am no longer tense. If they write, I respond when I have time and the mood allows. My answers are equal to the length of the question. The duration of the dialogue is based on reciprocity. Sometimes a few questions and we learn about each other, sometimes more serious conversations.
I like this new dynamic.
Preparing for Farewell
“There are times when we need to say goodbye. When we know we won’t see each other again.”
This previous idea has changed significantly in me.
In almost every case, we say goodbye to each other on this journey with a hug and a “see you next time!”.
There is no waving of the white flag, no looking back. No crying. At least on my part…
“See you next time” (I can only guess this) in most cases means that we will never see each other again.
But with the people I have met on this journey, we believe that the chance is more than zero. And there were a few I have met again. And then of course we said goodbye again.
I think this kind of easy goodbye is precisely because we see the present differently. For my part, I say enjoy each other’s company. For a short while. Then everyone goes their own way.
If our paths cross again somewhere, we will share different moments with each other.
What do you have to say goodbye to?
“Places, spaces.”
This thought has also been replaced by something else in me.
Today, I don’t say goodbye to places either. I have no nostalgia.
When I write “Phong Nha, maybe I’ll see you again,” it simply means to me that if the time comes and the wind blows that way, I won’t miss you next time. But I don’t have the desire in my heart to have to be here again(!) .
When it’s time to leave, I get on the bus and leave.
And on the bus, the next moment is already there, which has become present, the city is no longer there.
I think I would like to visit every place I’ve been to again at any time. But there’s not a single one that I miss. No city of the past is waiting, nor are any of the future ones. I’m writing here in the city of Hoi An. This one exists. This is my present.
“I won’t say goodbye to habits or routines. Others will replace the ones I leave behind.”
How true this has become.
Habits have come and gone. I keep a lot of them from before I traveled. A few of the ones I picked up along the way. But not everything is from them anymore.
This is a big change in my life. I used to hold on to the habits I had acquired more tightly.
Today, only what is important is what supports my present. With this realization, my life has become much easier.
The Teaching
Even before Asia, this journey began to teach me about saying goodbye.
What I felt then has become a reality today.
Today, I say the following about a connection that comes from this journey:
The moment I meet someone, I know that we will only share our time with each other for a short time. A few minutes. A few hours, a few days. Rarely, a few weeks. Then comes the moment of separation.
It is no longer news to me that this is not difficult at all.
Another realization came to me in recent months.
I began to notice that people have a hard time saying goodbye to me. Harder than I have to say goodbye to them.
They often tell me the reason themselves.
They sense some real energy in me. “You don’t just talk about happiness. You really live it.”
They have found a companion they very rarely meet. “You wouldn’t believe how hard it is to find someone as nice to be with as you.”
They discover that we can be comfortable together under any circumstances. “It’s very rare to find someone as open-minded as you.”
These are just points of view. Maybe these people are wrong too.
But their reality is theirs, and I usually feel that. I can feel why it’s hard for them to say goodbye to me.
I might be wrong!
But from my perspective, there’s only one goodbye right now:
See you next time!
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