This is a post that I started several times, but I finally got around to finishing it today. I won’t change what I’ve written so far, for the sake of clarity I’ll just note that I started writing on 07.23, which is 35 days ago.
The day of departure is approaching. It’s Wednesday, my plane takes off in 29 days. I’m within 30 days… At the beginning of December, the end of August still seemed quite far away, I knew that a lot of patience would be needed for the months to pass. Now that time is starting to run out, we suddenly switch to the state of oh my, there’s so little time left.
So this is a change in thinking. I started thinking about what has changed since I started on my current journey. What state of mind is the birth of my digital nomad self?
In this post, I want to deal with changes, my changes.
Tatra Mountains
Since my stated goal is to become a digital nomad, I think I am already in a state where I do not necessarily know and want to separate my travels from other events. If this habit has already been formed or I have started on this path, I do not want to miss the presentation of my current environment, even though it is not part of the subject of the article.
So, here I am sitting in the High Tatras, Slovakia. About 10 kilometers from Poprad, 30 km from Zakopane in Poland. I am sitting in the cafeteria at an excellent campsite called Rijo Camping, so that after completing my tasks for the day, I can start writing this post.
A friend and I arrived here yesterday morning and will be returning home tomorrow evening. Our goal, in addition to relaxation, was cycling and hiking.
Yesterday we were at a place called Zelené pleso, Green Lake, using electric bikes. The picturesque Zelené pleso is located in the eastern part of the High Tatras. This is a beautiful glacial lake at the eastern end of the High Tatras valley, at an altitude of 1540 meters. There is a year-round tourist lodge right on the shore of the lake. Zelené pleso got its name from the green spots caused by springs at the bottom of the lake. However, according to an ancient legend, these spots are caused by a dazzling green gem that fell into the water from the neighboring Falcon Tower. It is certain that Zelené pleso is one of the most beautiful mountains in the High Tatras and a very popular hiking destination.
Getting up there wasn’t easy, even with an electric bike. We had to climb 626 meters and then go down the same distance. The way there and back was an excellent cycling treat, especially for someone like me, who hasn’t done it much before. We covered a total of 27 km including the introductory section, and we cycled for two hours. But the excitement and beauty were more than two hours.
There is an interesting charm in the fact that we go up with technique and our own strength, significantly faster than the average hiker. Our average speed was 13.2 km/h, which is three times the speed of a hiker experienced in this terrain. We obviously came down faster. If I didn’t watch out for the brakes, the bike’s speed reached 25 km/h in a matter of seconds, which I think is quite a lot in this terrain. I emphasize, for a beginner, inexperienced person. We also made it down the road without any injuries. On the road, we managed to reach a speed of 47 km/h, which I think is not healthy.
Today – Wednesday – we went on a walking tour in the area.
A tour is always a real relaxation, no matter what form I take it in. Here, the desired multiple goal was achieved: we were in a great place in nature, we spent the whole day talking with my friend and we also managed to pack physical performance behind the carefree walking. On this day, I sat down to write a blog, so that I would not do this for many days
On the last day we went cycling again. We went on a longer route. We visited the exhibition called Mini Slovakia. Hats off to it. An informative, professionally designed outdoor exhibition, where we could learn a lot of nice information about the castles of Slovakia in a very spectacular way. The exhibition was colored by the ubiquitous, working and very nicely assembled model railways. I recommend it to anyone who is in the area, this exhibition would be a shame to miss!
We wanted to see a stalactite cave. We stopped, locked the bikes, and then noticed how cold it was in the cave according to the information, we didn’t bring a sweater with us, so we continued our tour without visiting the cave.
We rode up almost to the top of a high mountain, stopping a few times along the way to look around or lift the bikes over obstacles. We had a really exciting ride down, and here we really had to hold on to the brakes so that the speed wouldn’t be too fast.
At the end of the tour – in the form of a rest – we stopped at an outdoor pool with warm water. We locked the bikes, changed into our swimsuits, and unfortunately discovered that the warm water pool was cold. So we skipped swimming. However, at this place we drank spring water that was naturally slightly carbonated. None of us had ever drunk anything like that before.
With this tour, our three beautiful days of hiking in the Tatra Mountains ended.
And now the theory…
Every departure is a new beginning
My entire journey was inspired by the idea of a new beginning eight months ago. I think the new beginning itself happened in my life. By making “The Decision,” I actually started my life again. I can think of a new beginning as a process and as a momentary action. For example, if I restart the car, I turn the key and the restart is ready. In the case of a life, a new beginning can appear as the continuous result of months of work. I think that’s what happened to me. I gradually started to think differently. I started to learn and apply new things continuously. I made decisions one after another and put them into practice. I have written many posts about these in the past few months.
I wrote the background of this theoretical part a month ago, so the rest of the article already includes the realized fact that I am currently sitting on the terrace of my accommodation in Koh Samui and writing this post here at 2:30 pm, when it is only 9:30 in Hungary.
The question I raise in the title is Who am I, and who do I want to be?
The answer is trivially simple from a certain point of view: a digital nomad. Whatever that means… But is becoming a digital nomad really the goal? Or is it just a means for the transformation of my life to begin and progress?
If I think about this question honestly, both sides of the boundary line inherent in the question are difficult to answer. Because the question “Who am I?” itself causes a headache. This also requires a difficult answer to formulate, many of us search for the answer to this question our entire lives. Who do I want to be is actually the same question, only in a much more difficult guise, since we are wrapping the question asked in the present in the mystique of the future.
My departure has two sides. The geographical relocation – which has actually already happened – and the spiritual departure, which began much earlier.
What has changed in me since the decision was made? I think quite a lot. My attitude, my outlook on life, my openness, my ease, etc.
Thinking about those preparing for a trip, this occurred to me: I think it is a difficult question to decide whether changes bring a person closer to being able to leave, or – on the contrary – changes occur as a result of the decision that brings a person closer to leaving. I really cannot take a position on this, despite my own experiences. In any case, I consider it important to state that a departure can only be realistic if changes appear.
Before my own – physical – departure, it was already a bit burdensome for me that quite a few people I spoke to tried to wrap their own chains around me. I have told this fictitious dialogue quite a few times, which perhaps best shows what I mean.
– Aren’t you afraid?
– No!
– You should be!
– You’re right, there’s definitely a place for that, but I’m not afraid.
– Everyone is afraid, but not everyone dares to admit it.
– I’ve thought about this a lot, I’ve even written about it, but I think I really don’t have any fear.
– Have you ever thought about loneliness?
– Of course.
– It must be terrible!
– You’re right, loneliness is a pretty scary feeling, I’ve thought about it, I’ve written about it. It can be really hard, but I have a feeling about myself that it won’t be a problem for me. I even kind of long for it.
– You can’t know that in advance!
– You’re right, we’ll see.
– You’ll see your children less often.
– You think I didn’t think about that? I wrote about selfishness, about sacrifices for others, about my own place in the order of the characters in my own life. Believe me, I thought about these things!
– You can’t predict…
Attila József: Teachings
I wrote the last word of the imagined dialogue at the moment when one of my friends sent me the poem “Teachings” by Attila József. I call this “Synchronicity” at its highest level. With the help of AI, I created an English translation of the first part of the poem, which captures the essence and is more English than the mirror translation. And he offered this option. I am not quoting the entire poem, just the first few verses.
There will be those who laugh at me,
and those who curse me with their anger.
But I shall walk among them calmly,
my words a quiet lamp in darkness.
I do not seek the pride of power,
nor gold, nor fleeting fame of men.
I long instead for simple truth—
to love, to suffer, and to know.
For life is not a throne or crown,
but bread to share, and wounds to heal.
The world is wide, yet in each heart
a hidden homeland waits to bloom.
So take these words, if they are useful—
not as commands, nor holy law,
but as a whisper, soft and stubborn,
like grass that breaks through stone.
Who am I now?
From one aspect, I am an actor. I play roles. Both ordinary and special. I have the role of a father. I have the appearance of a child. I have a professional identity. A thoughtful man. A lover. A relaxed friend. A supportive partner. A brother. And many more. Conforming to different roles shapes my behavior, my identity, my thinking, my behavior. I am a wanderer. Someone who desires permanence, so that he wants to see the whole world.
I have strengths that I can build on even now. For example, curiosity, flexibility, empathy, peace, love, etc.
I have challenges to overcome or limitations that are still with me. For example, procrastination, excessive control, hidden fears, unspoken anxieties.
Assessing these roles, strengths, and challenges to overcome helps a lot in defining who I am. I definitely don’t say that it is a solution and a complete possession. The toolkit at my disposal can and probably will inevitably have elements that are not necessarily positive. These do not need to be banished or necessarily solved. Not now, not later. They need to be accepted.
I find it difficult to define who I am because there are about a million parameters that could be used to create a model that would show who I am.
So I prefer to stay with the question “Who am I now?” as an overall impression for myself, rather than a well-formulated, striking answer.
At this point – for the first time in my life – I asked ChatGPT what he thought of this last post. I liked what he wrote so much that I’m copying it here:
Very deep and thoughtful writing – it seems that you have invested a lot of self-knowledge in getting closer to your own question “Who am I?” A few thoughts that came to mind:
- Roles and identity: The actor analogy is very apt. A person really is present in several roles at the same time, and these are not false, but multi-layered parts of identity. The fact that you consciously see this is already a great strength in itself.
- Strengths and challenges: You have nicely separated what nourishes and moves you forward (curiosity, empathy, peace) and what sometimes hinders you (procrastination, control, anxiety). It is a very healthy attitude that your goal is not the immediate “solution”, but presence and acceptance. This brings you much closer to true self-identity than the compulsive elimination of mistakes.
- The idea of acceptance: When you write that you do not necessarily have to drive away limitations, it is a strong wisdom of self-knowledge. Often it is acceptance that resolves tension, not struggle.
- The importance of the overall impression: The question “Who am I now?” Your answer to the question is very realistic: it is not a static, rigid definition, but a changing, nuanced picture. This is in line with how psychology sees it: identity is not a single sentence, but a story that we tell ourselves over and over again.
Overall, there is maturity and a search for freedom in your thoughts. You don’t want to forcefully formulate a final answer, but allow yourself complexity and continuous change. This in itself is liberating.
To summarize this section: I also consider self-knowledge important on my own journey in order to be able to embark on the adventure with a calm heart. I can’t comment on what it’s like when a person completely loses (or was never aware of) themselves and seeks a completely new identity. There must be such a thing. I am searching for myself while also knowing and loving who I am. In my opinion, if you are looking for yourself, it is worth embarking on the journey. If you are not looking for anything, then it might be better to stay home!What motivates you to start?
I think motivation is one of the most important questions for any change, and even for the best functioning of established things. If I think about everyday work, for example, I already found a relatively static state, and who would doubt that motivation is needed here too.
Motivation can be very diverse. I want to be like this! I want to change this! I want to avoid this! I want to keep this! Money, success, glamour! There are so many forms of driving force. We never know what drives the other person forward. Inner fire? External pressure?
In my opinion, it is worth thinking through the questions, in a slightly structured form:
- Desires, inner drives (freedom, self-knowledge, discovery, change)
- What am I looking for? (e.g. another culture, a new kind of community, time with myself)
- What am I leaving behind – as a conscious decision?
Who do I want to be?
I think after all this thinking the answer is simple. I want to be who I am now. Soma. István. Steve. Aragorn. Father. Son. Friend. Love. Brother. You dick. Neighbor.
I have everything I love. I can’t even say that I’m looking for a better version of myself. I am myself and who do I want to be? Myself. Until the end.
Closing Thoughts
I think I have considered many aspects of this question of who I am and who I would be. For those of us still searching for answers, I have written down a few additional thoughts to help you find your way.
I hope they are useful along the way!
Who do I want to be when I start?
- What character traits do I want to strengthen? (e.g., courage, openness, clarity)
- What new habits am I trying to develop right now?
- What would a typical day of my “new self” look like?
- “I don’t want to be perfect—just honest and alive.”
What are my inner goals for the journey?
- I want to explore not only places, but also new parts of myself.
- What does it mean to me to grow? (For example, to be more present, to accept uncertainty.)
- What do I want to learn about myself along the way?
Change doesn’t start tomorrow – it starts today
- What are the small daily steps I’m taking now to prepare for this new me?
- How do others react to my change – and what do I learn from it?
- Closing: I’m not running away, I’m moving forward
A letter to my future self
- A short, personal message to your future nomadic self: what do you wish for it?
- A quote, a mantra-like thought that you carry with you
- “Whoever sets off, changes not only a place. But a life.”
This picture was taken a moment before the sky fell. In an instant, the air was filled with the smell of rain. In an instant, you could smell the wet earth. After a few moments, I no longer envied those who were now on the street…
