I thought of this post as a sibling to the previous post titled “What will I live on?” when I planned to write about this topic as well. Again, a post that is not all about me, since, for example, I have already written my thoughts about my fears in the posts “About my fears – Simon Sinek” and “Fear II.” That’s okay, as usual, writing is also inspired by the fact that it might help someone who needs it.
What if the “What if…” tsunami starts?
“What if I run out of money?” “What if I get sick?” “What if I don’t get along with people?” These and similar questions often arose in my mind. Oh! No. Stop! Back!
These questions did not arise in my mind. In my article “Missing post: Who am I and who do I want to be?” I already touched on this topic with this thought: “Before my own – physical – departure, it was already a bit burdensome for me that quite a few people I spoke to tried to wrap their own chains around me.”
“The decision” came to me quite quickly with the new life, with the creation of a path to follow a dream. With that – and ever since – I believe that I placed it on a fairly solid foundation. Anyone who was with me during my last nine months in Hungary could see that there was not much doubt in my mind that I would, could and dare to do what I had decided. At least I see myself as not putting obstacles in my own path after my decision. I did not look for loopholes or temporary solutions. I simply did not bring up the questions “why not?”, but the topics “how?”, “when?”, “how much?”, etc.
I have no bad feelings towards those who tried to answer these questions for themselves through me. Therefore, if you know yourself, do not feel bad! I simply acknowledged that for those who do not get along with people, this is a legitimate fear. And they ask me the question: “What if you don’t get along with people?” The really difficult part was when I told them that I wasn’t at all afraid that I wouldn’t get along with people, and my conversation partner didn’t hear my answer, but answered based on his own fear. That’s not a problem, I think many of us are like that in many situations. Maybe I just didn’t want to carry other people’s burdens anymore in the end. Especially since my soul became lighter and lighter.
But, we all think differently.
And this article is not just about me, but about my traveling companion who is starting his journey. So, what if the rock comes rolling in and covers the path in front of you?
How do these questions start to appear? Either way, one thing is important: these questions are not enemies, but it is also important how we deal with them?
We are marching towards a new life. Inevitably, fears of the unknown begin to work. Somehow, those stones can start rolling in as obstacles on our own path. The goal, of course, is to have no obstacles on our own path. But if you ask yourself the question that starts with the words “What if…”, take them seriously. The question that arises from your own fear is important to you.
I will give you an example. When someone asked me if I was not afraid of loneliness, I said no. I justified it by saying that I was never afraid of this in a basic situation, but I dealt with it and wrote about it in connection with this trip. I am absolutely sure that I am not afraid of this. However, since this question arose in the other party, it is his duty to think about this question. This is what I meant when I said earlier that it is not unimportant how we deal with these questions. The questioner has several options available to him regarding this specific fear. For example, he can tell himself “yes, I am afraid of loneliness, but nevertheless I will go and do this and that so that there will be no problems.” Or, for example, he can say “I am afraid of this, but my fears are probably unfounded, since I can talk to my loved ones at any time on Messenger.” He probably cannot do anything but not deal with this question.
So I think about this question that every single “What if…” type question is worth examining. First, let’s see if this is our own question or someone else’s. Then give ourselves a reassuring answer. If we end up with too many questions that we don’t have a reassuring answer to, then let’s think about the timeliness of our departure.
Anxiety: when the future seems like a threat
I also had a period in my life when I was anxious. In both cases, I received external help to make this feeling work. And indeed, in both cases, the future seemed threatening.
In the case of a lifestyle change, I think it is completely natural for some anxiety to arise, since it is the future that is being transformed, and along with this, there are those who are more sensitive to uncertainty. Of course, this is just a theoretical approach, perhaps it is not even interesting how well-founded the anxiety is or is not.
If there is, it should definitely be addressed! What physical and mental symptoms does it cause? How do these questions color every decision? For example, in the form of procrastination or overplanning.
What solutions can there be?
Reframing the issues: opportunity instead of fear
Reframing is a cognitive-psychological technique that involves placing a situation or idea in a different frame of reference, thus changing its meaning and emotional impact. When we reframe, we do not deny the facts, but we modify the emphasis and perspective. For example, instead of “failure,” we view an event as a “learning opportunity.” This often reduces anxiety, increases resilience, and opens up new behavioral possibilities.
That is, which “what if…?” questions can I turn into useful ones?
Instead of “What if I get sick?”, “What insurance plan do I have?”
Instead of “What if I can’t find a community?”, “Where can I build relationships now?”
The difference between the two approaches is whether I run away from fear or prepare for likely scenarios?
Planning: the reassuring clarity of reason
It is worth looking at the advantages and disadvantages of the design in relation to the following issues:
- When does planning help, and when does it become overcontrol?
- Tools that help: list writing, emergency scenarios, advice from experienced nomads, etc.
- The goal of conscious planning is to create peace, not to control the uncontrollable.
My own experience shows that there are things that I have planned very well. There are also things that I have planned badly. And there are already things that I would never have thought of. And how many more such variations will there be?
So it is worth and necessary to plan. A lot. But in no case should you wait until every idea is ironed out. Overthinking also hinders your journey! If you plan to leave when you are prepared for everything, I have the reassuring thought that you will never leave.
All the more so because the sibling of “what if…” thoughts is “then if…”
Voltak -e nekem “Mi van, ha…” kérdéseim?
I had questions like that, but I don’t remember asking myself any. People around me helped me with this. I tried to collect a few and supplement them with my own answers.
- What if you get homesick? I won’t.
What if you fail? There is no failure here. I won when I left.
What if I have to come home? I will come home and I will be home.
What if it doesn’t work out in any other country? Then it turned out that Hungary is for me. I want to live where it’s best for me. In this case, I will live here.
What if I get a culture shock? I’m not afraid of that.
What if I can’t find stable internet? I’ll be in trouble, I have to go somewhere else.
What if I burn out? What if I burn out at home? It doesn’t matter, it can happen at home too.
What if your favorite online services are blocked? Maybe a VPN will help.
What if you don’t have proper insurance? I can’t imagine that.
Making peace with uncertainty
I think that by becoming aware of a few points, you can become quite good friends with uncertainty.
- There is no such thing as 100% preparation, and that’s fine!
- The “What if…?” questions remain, but they are no longer the driving force.
- Accepting that life is never a finished plan, but a story in motion can be the grand prize (not an easy task!).