I think that’s only natural. This is what my life looks like these days—at least the digital side of my existence. It’s not entirely digital, nor is it solely about content creation.

I suppose my life has just become a mix of this and that.

I thought it was time to give a brief overview of everything I’m currently working on.

Project Map

I’ve created a diagram showing how I spend my days. Here it is:

In the image, the colors indicate the types of work I do, while the icons represent the roles I fulfill in a given project. An explanation of the icons is provided in the diagram below.

Let me outline the different types.

Business Improvement Consultant

Defining myself professionally after 30 years of work was quite a challenge.

But—in the end—I think I succeeded.

Essentially, my career path involved joining unfamiliar companies, getting to know their operations, spotting problems—large and small—and then setting to work on fixing them.

Often, this meant transforming or optimizing existing systems, or simply demonstrating how to use them correctly. At other times, it required a complete system overhaul. Consequently, I am equally at home interpreting small-scale systems and implementing major enterprise resource planning (ERP) solutions.

Carrying out this work required me to learn and apply a vast array of specific skills. I never specialized too narrowly in any single area, but I possess a very broad perspective.

Above all, however, I have almost always acted as an interpreter. I understand the professional jargon used in various corporate departments (being an economist myself), and I also speak the language of IT. After all, I am an IT specialist. This allows me to grasp what is being discussed in the office and then translate it for the “tech geeks”—people just like me.

I am now building my own business based on this 30 years of experience.

How I BuilIT

I started this project at the beginning of the year. I wrote a few case studies and presented a couple of solutions for specific problems.

This written content is available on the online-dentist.hu website. I aim to continue with it, but it always ends up at the very bottom of my to-do list—a place I never actually reach.

Written Content

Right now, this blog is the most important thing. I love writing it. And although I don’t make any money from it—and I don’t think many people read my posts, either—I write for my own pleasure. It is a joy and a passion. It’s as simple as that.

I owe a lot to this blog. I feel much more comfortable in the role of a writer after penning 355 posts.

Books

I am currently working on a book. I had started working on several, but I had to decide which one to focus on. Even as it is, twenty-four hours a day isn’t enough…

My first book is about the day-to-day life of a digital nomad. I really enjoy this project; I can draw on a wealth of personal experience for it. I plan to produce the book in both Hungarian and English.

Zen Bible

This project combines writing and IT. I am creating a book about everyday life, but I also want to make it available as a mobile app. “Zen Bible” is just a working title for now; the final title will certainly be different.

I hope we live to see its completion.

My previous blog posts

I will soon be taking down the section of schulmann.hu dedicated to me. However, I intend to preserve the blog posts. I put a lot of work into them a few years ago, and I don’t want that effort to go to waste.

My short stories

One of my short stories has been published in print, another was written for a competition, and a third was a course assignment. I would like to showcase these, as well as the pieces I write in the future.

Video Content

The Miracle is Already Here [TMIAH]

I launched this project three months ago. It consists of short—26-second—videos that I upload daily to my YouTube, Instagram, TikTok, Facebook, and LinkedIn profiles.

Each video presents a brief scene. In them, I name a specific feeling and then offer a thought or a response related to that emotion. Finally, I end every video by saying, “I love my life very much.”

I view these videos as practice cards. Anyone who engages with them daily might eventually realize that it is not my feelings or my responses that matter most; what truly counts is the viewer’s own feelings and the thoughts associated with them. I hope my videos provide a valuable platform for viewers to recognize and articulate their own emotions.

It is my secret wish—though the secret is out now—that one day, in an unexpected moment, someone might sigh and say: “I love my life very much.”

Stories Behind The Miracle [SBTM]

I created this project as an offshoot of the “The Miracle Is Already Here” project. I haven’t published a single video from it yet, but I’ll be launching it soon.

There is a story behind every video. I have already shared quite a few of these stories with various people. Their feedback inspired the idea to reveal the secrets—the stories unfolding in the background—behind some of the videos.

I Chose Happiness [ICH]

The past tense is crucial to this project. It is not about becoming happy—not something for the future. I *am* happy because I chose to be. This is what I believe in. This is what I will talk about.

I will use my own voice and my own face to share what I have discovered within myself. I want to set an example for others. I hope that, in doing so, I can help a few people.

Through this project, I have embraced the title of “influencer”—a label I both received and gave to myself. This video series will launch soon.

These won’t be daily videos; it involves a tremendous amount of work, as I want to produce the content in Hungarian alongside English.

Happiness Interviews [HI]

I am passionate about exploring the subject of happiness.

This is what I tell strangers on the street, and then I ask if they’d be willing to take part in a short interview with me on the topic.

Three weeks ago, I started asking people five set questions about this subject. I fell in love with the process almost immediately. I really enjoy listening to their answers and observing their reactions—all while trying to contain my own excitement from behind the camera. The people I interview share incredible energy, emotions, and stories. And all it takes is five questions and three minutes.

As soon as I have the first 30 interviews ready, I’ll start uploading them to my social media channels.

Visual Content

Here are the photographs I took in the meditation pose.

I could say “for now,” but at the moment, I do not plan to create any further visual content or new fine art series.

Public Contributions

There is only one thing to mention here: being a Google Local Guide. I consider it important because I’m proud of it. I know—it’s an ego thing. LOL.

I love this activity, even though it brings no tangible benefit. Because I believe my content can help others—and bring them joy.

And besides, it’s nice to belong to a club. For me, right now, that club is Google.

Ways to Help

Volunteering and helping others have somehow always been a part of my journey.

I am also proud to be a blood donor, and to be able to join various organizations from time to time to help others.

A few weeks ago, I started working on a slightly more significant contribution. I’ll soon be launching two small projects: I aim to raise $500 each for two organizations that work with children.

I will share updates on these here on the blog once they are ready.

These are the things filling my life these days. I am grateful for my life and for the fact that I can be involved in so much—that I have the energy for it all. And sometimes, the time, too. Right now, I wouldn’t want to leave out a single thing, and I love that it’s this way.

I’m not working on anything else, I swear.

Then again, “I May Be Wrong”.

The post 355. | About my projects – What am I working on? first appeared on Digital Nomad Blog.

You can’t speed up time, nor can you bring success forward.
The only thing you can control is your next step.

James Clear

I read this quote somewhere and added it to the notes for this post. Actually, this post was in my head as one of the “Missing posts”. The reason it didn’t get this tag is that the question is just as valid now as it was during the pre-departure preparation period. I’ve already addressed this question in posts like “How much does it cost to switch to nomadic life?”, or “Finding a job”, or “My first job application”, or “I quit”.

This article summarizes previous thoughts and facts learned in the meantime, and I would like it to be a kind of guide to questions that might be worth considering in connection with the question “What will I live on?”

Freedom is nice, but not free

“Okay, but what will you live on?” might have been the question asked by those people whom I slowly and carefully introduced to my plans. Interestingly, I don’t remember anyone (which doesn’t mean there wasn’t anyone!) who asked this question at all, let alone at first. I answered the question “what will you work on” to several people, so several people must have felt that I wasn’t going on a lifelong vacation, but rather that I would continue my life with hard work. But – as I recall – there wasn’t much emphasis on the question “what”.

I worked a lot on this question. I’ve been managing my family and my own life for a long time, so there was no question that it was important not only to dream about it, but to also come up with concrete plans! Somewhere in my head, there was also the idea that although I would like to find a job, I would not build my new life on a fixed salary, but on awareness. One element of awareness is planning. I have made quite a few tables, with parameters and numbers everywhere.

Don’t skimp on this work if you want to do yourself a favor!

What is my financial situation?

The first step is to assess your current situation. In my experience, many people are unaware of their own financial situation. I worked for years as a personal banker at Fundamenta, not to mention anything else. So I met a lot of people talking about financial situations. The picture I got to know at that time is more tragic than uplifting.

Most people only know about the financial world how much they earn. When we talk about disposable income or about summarizing debts, the picture is not always so clear. “Oh, yes, I also have a monthly phone payment of 30 thousand HUF.” How many times have I heard this. “Oh, there is already a mortgage on this house, I didn’t know that was a problem.” “I don’t have any debt. But I do, because there is child support deducted based on a court decision!” Hundreds of such sentences and similar ones came up during the conversations.

So let’s start at the beginning of planning by saying what we have. For example, I assessed what I keep in Hungary to support my children and how much it costs me. In an example image, I show how many cost items I currently calculate for Hungarian expenses: internet; iTunes; Xiaomi Home; 3 Google storage; YouTube Premium; Netflix; Spotify; 3 Yettel phone subscriptions; apartment: insurance, electricity, gas, common costs, garbage fee, water, university tuition, rent; accountant; entrepreneur contributions, monthly bank costs. In addition, there are periodic items.

What is something I no longer need and can sell? My musical instrument and its accessories, and my car were like that. I didn’t stop myself from frantically selling the movables from my apartment, because I couldn’t do that.

There may still be savings, but unfortunately not everyone has them.

When planning expenses, I recommend a monthly breakdown. I also realized after thinking about it several times that monthly averaging takes the plan in an irrational direction. I recommend creating a table broken down by item and month, at least for one year from the start. If you can, make it for two years: the first year will go by quickly…

Income sources – existing and planned

If you quit your job – like I did – your main source of income will probably disappear. I’m not saying that the first month when the phone doesn’t ring on the tenth will be shocking, but hang up your pants if that happens!

The question is whether you have another source of income and/or savings. If you do, you can at least finance the first period even if nothing else happens.

You probably want to create a fresh source of income. You will find countless materials and companies that help you for good money. Just register on one or two sites, and every week you will receive dozens of offers where they can show you how to be a prepared freelancer, how to write a proper CV, how to behave at a job interview, etc. Remember! These preparations only sell you the promise that everything will be fine! The promise will not make money, you will not be able to pay any expenses with it.

Finding a source of income is hard work. You can ask for help, but at the end of the day you have to find the job, your new business, the income opportunity that will allow you to continue financing your life. Use the free systems and put a lot of work into the search.

Passive/semi-passive income is a pretty big buzzword in today’s world. I’m still on the fence about this issue, I have no experience with it. My personal opinion is that it’s hard to get a decent income without a job. If you already have a background, it might be worth trying passive income sources, but based on my feelings, I’d say that I’m not basing my future on this, at least not when I start.

I watched a lot of videos during my preparation. There are buzzwords and dreams flying everywhere. Getting up late, having coffee, walking on the beach, then sitting in front of the plane, strictly for an hour a day. Then announcing a number as an income that is NASA’s half-year budget…

I would ask all the individuals who announce such huge monthly incomes, if they have so much wealth, why are they still waiting for my little money. I don’t think it’s professional dedication…

What I meant to say is: be careful with these projected images! If this is the solution, please forgive me for my lack of faith!

Estimated expenses – how much do I need per month?

Here I am specifically thinking about the costs of my new life. Roughly along these lines:

• Basic expenses: accommodation, food, internet, insurance, transportation
• Plus expenses: education, travel, emergencies
• Where is it cheaper to live? – planned cost level of destination country(ies)

Here you can be a member of the emperor, the tourist and the modest digital nomad categories. You have to decide, because the possibilities are endless. Do you go to America and eat salty bread because you can afford it? Do you prefer to go to Asia and only eat there every other day in a rented reed hut? Do you choose Europe and strive for a normal life? Do you go to a new country every other week because you have enough money to travel? There are many options, only you know that.

The only good advice that I suddenly remember from all the videos is to be punctual and patient with yourself. Don’t try to imitate a vacation in your future life, because it will probably be expensive. You probably won’t go to a restaurant every day at home to have a champagne dinner. Why would you do that during your digital nomad life? Jet skiing on the sea every day is cool. Do it if you can afford it!

But be aware of how long you can afford this lifestyle! The old saying is always true: stretch until your blanket reaches you!

Financial safety net

Here are a few questions that came to mind that I asked myself. Without further ado, here are some questions that are worth taking seriously:

• Number of reserve months
• Currency breakdown (euro, forint, dollar?)
• Contingency scenarios: what if…? (project doesn’t come through, I get sick, etc.)
• At what point do I need to re-plan?

Months ago, I calculated how long I could finance my life abroad, unemployed, with the price of my car if nothing came of it. I also have an emergency scenario, although it’s not that strong for me.

At what point do I have to re-plan? Definitely not when my last iron is gone.

What if my friends can lend me money? Will I win a few more months? Then I’ll never give them the money back, because there’s nothing left? I’ll be the Hungarian Whiskys in Thailand.

Think carefully about what you’re doing in this area too. There will always be surprises, we all know that. If possible, don’t start on Tuesday with Wednesday as a surprise!

Let’s just say that some people can do this too. I’m not that type of person.

Tracking devices

No, I’m not suggesting you put an Airtag on the woman’s car! I’ve been keeping an Excel spreadsheet of my income and expenses for 31 years. For many, many years, it has a monthly budget spreadsheet, planned at the beginning of the year, with plan/actual columns. I haven’t really met anyone who can track their finances even in the short term. I’m not saying there aren’t any! I’ve just met a few of them. (On one of my January hikes, I ran into a woman who, when asked about it, admitted that she also keeps such a spreadsheet, but hers is only 27 years old.)

This advice is certainly problematic, but if you want to know how long you can finance your new life, then you’ve already gone beyond planning. In this situation, besides plans, there is a great lack of actual data. But for that, you need something to enter the numbers into. As I wrote earlier, I use my own Excel, so I can’t recommend an app or website. It’s up to you to find one. I think your bank already offers you such an option on your phone…

I planned my monthly food expenses for Thailand at 150 thousand HUF. It will be 4 weeks since I’ve been living here tomorrow, so I’ll prepare my first monthly evaluation for myself this weekend. I’m curious about the actual numbers, and this only took up 125 rows in the Excel table. Believe me, it won’t be difficult to analyze the facts, because I have the numbers.

A small digression: one of my friends asked me if I still keep this table the same way I have for the past 31 years? That is, can I tell you the total price of the bread I bought, or even how much I bought ear buds? I paid for my first ear buds on 1998.07.04. Yes, I used my parents’ until then… From then on, I spent 22,695 HUF on this over 27 years. Well, I can’t keep track of this in such detail anymore. There’s only one reason for this now: The shops sell a block with Thai inscriptions, so I can’t read what I bought and why at home. But I know it in its category, and that’s more than enough to compare the design with the facts.

The spiritual side of finances – courage or recklessness?

I left this topic for last. Here are two questions worth answering very seriously:

• Where is the line between “belief in myself” and “self-deception”?
• How do I deal with insecurity and how do I strengthen myself?

You need faith! I have no doubt about that. But it is very important that self-deception is a trap. Let that faith guide you (I will write about this in another post soon), but be realistic. When the time comes, admit that it is not going to work out this way. Then don’t give up, just change direction. But – I say it again – if possible, don’t do it at the last minute!

Money is not the goal, it is the means

I gave two basic ideas to the last paragraph:

• Financial security is not a fixed number, but a flexible strategy.
• I have a plan, I have reserves, I have flexibility, so I can go.

Consider how important the above ideas are to you and how much you have the tools listed here. It’s okay if you’re not flexible, it’s not necessarily that you need it. Don’t have any reserves? It’s not necessarily a problem, because you already have a suitable source of income. Don’t have a plan? I’ll even say that it’s okay, because you might have just won the Lottery and there’s a huge amount of money waiting in your bank account.

It can be a problem if you don’t have a plan, you don’t have savings, you’ve never had reserves and you’re not even flexible. If I were you, I would think about it…

The post 130. | What will I live on? first appeared on Digital Nomad Blog.

I’ll start with coaching.

Coaching and Me

I’ll start with a brief summary of what coaching is. To the best of my knowledge, there is no Hungarian term for it, but I asked AI about it and I won’t stop myself from copying its answer here:

The term “coaching” does not have a universally accepted, precise Hungarian equivalent, and the original English word is used in professional parlance as well. Although translation attempts are occasionally made, such as “personal development”, “mental training” or “developmental conversation”, these do not fully cover the complexity and purpose of coaching. Interestingly, the word “coach” originally has Hungarian roots: in the 16th century, the name of the light horse-drawn carriages manufactured in the village of Kocs spread throughout Europe, and the English term “coach” was also developed from this. In the 19th century, at Oxford University, teachers who intensively prepared their students for exams, almost “carrying them on their backs”, were called “coaches”. I didn’t stop to leave this information out because Kocs is a settlement near my former home, Nagyigmánd, and I’ve been through it about a million times.

What is coaching?

Coaching is a development process in which the coach supports the client in independently finding solutions to their own questions or obstacles. It is not about counseling or therapy, but rather a partner conversation that helps to increase awareness and achieve goals. The coach does not tell you what to do, but helps you see the possibilities with questions, feedback and structured methods. During the process, the client takes responsibility for their own decisions and development. Coaching often acts as a kind of “mirror”: it helps us see ourselves and our situation more clearly.

I once seriously thought about choosing the coaching profession. It was at this time that the Hungarian legislation, of which I have seen quite a few examples since then, got in my way, and it was not the first time that it created an obstacle in shaping my future. The point is that when I thought about continuing this profession instead of IT, I felt that I had no chance.

I had a price basis to think about it. I completed these trainings:

• 2018 Life Coach course
• 2019 Business Coach course
• 2019 Past, present, future in career coaching workshop
• 2021 Team Coaching workshop
• 2022 Kain Ramsay, Udemy, Life Coaching Practitioner Certification

I just received an invitation to a one-day course at the end of May, today I will decide whether I will participate in this as well. It is called Relationship Coaching Workshop.

In 2019, I was asked to appear for 3 minutes in a commercial, for which I wrote the script at the time. (By the way, just yesterday I received a request for a leading role in an amateur film, if all goes well, this work will be completed before Thailand.) My opinion has not changed much since 2019, when I wrote these lines:

I think that participating in a training is always an investment. An investment in ourselves. I am an economist and a programmer. As an economist, I immediately connect the word investment with the concept of return.

In the case of a classic, let’s say financial investment, we have a lot of tools to measure the return, the usefulness of the investment. In the case of a “course” investment, it may never be clear whether the money, time, and energy spent on the course paid off, whether it was worth it.

I realized right away that the Indigo Life Coach training was the best investment of my life so far. Obviously, this realization also played a role in my decision to also participate in the Business Coach training.

So far 0:45

Those embarking on the path of deeper self-knowledge will experience many – and very intense – experiences during such a training. In such a course, professionalism and the method of group self-knowledge naturally appear together. For me, every minute of the hours spent in the Indigo environment was a trip of a lifetime. The basic values ​​and tools of the coaching profession gave me a change of perspective that I can apply not only in a professional environment, but also in my everyday life, in my private and work relationships. I experienced how important it is to create a judgment-free, warm and accepting atmosphere, to use empathy and other perspectives, and to communicate assertively, to name just a few of the tools that are the basis of every helping profession.

In my opinion, self-knowledge, as one of the basic pillars of the helping profession, can only be to everyone’s advantage. These basic values ​​can be immediately utilized in everyday life, and this is precisely the reason why I sincerely recommend anyone to participate in the Indigo courses. Not everyone will become a coach who helps others. But we can also coach ourselves and with this we and our environment gain, not a little.

2:00 so far

Indigo not only provided a professionally put together theoretical and practical training. Among other things, a professional background helps smooth work. It also gave the Indigo feeling, an atmosphere that is a pleasure to experience. The professional humility of the instructors helped to create a supportive, accepting, warm environment. They created not only simple education, but also additional forums for professional development, as I have already participated in further training courses with them, and I am also a member of the Indigo Club. We also get the opportunity to appear on other forums. We have practice days available. It is no secret that Indigo does not want to let go of our hand. Professional affiliation is a very important part of our common story.

It is also important that a sense of belonging has also developed with fellow students. Teams are formed where thinking differently and together is valued. With further training and club events, there has been a transition between different groups and cities. I have already met other Life Coach and other training colleagues from Győr, Budapest, and other cities. We can plan together how to further expand our professional knowledge with the help of Indigo. We recognize that we have common tasks to solve, and collaborations are starting to form.

As I already mentioned, I sincerely recommend Indigo, this great team, to everyone. I am grateful for every minute!

3:00 so far

I still did not become a coach for the reasons mentioned above.

How am I doing today?

My “decision” has already been made to continue my life as a digital nomad. The journey will start soon, and I have been looking for my place on the work front for some time. I am strongly considering whether to continue with the coaching activity in addition to IT, which I previously rejected for legal reasons. I have recently received several feedbacks that have directed my thinking in this direction. Among others, as mentioned in the “Week of closures” article.

Today I wrote to two coaches that I value professionally, asking if we could work together in a professional way in relation to my departure. I also started an interesting dialogue with ChatGPT.

I had previously read that coaching is a fashionable profession in digital nomad circles. I will assess the possibilities inherent in it and make my decision regarding the activity. Obviously, I have a lot of questions to resolve in this regard, but on my current journey, this kind of assistance attracts me again in an extraordinary way.

Self-knowledge and self-identity

Why did this topic come to mind today?

In my article “My sweet suffering,” I already mentioned the Self-Knowledge Leadership Workshop. Today I received another newsletter from them, titled “Self-Knowledge and Self-Identity.”

I quote the text here verbatim from them and hide in bold between the lines what I think about the topic. Actually, it was because of the analysis of this article that I thought about this article today. Here it is:

For most people, self-knowledge is a gentlemanly passion, self-serving curiosity, or perhaps navel-gazing. Yet we have also mentioned here the research result that the two determining conditions for a successful and satisfied life are self-knowledge and self-identity. [I have dealt with self-identity in my 3 previous posts: “How do I start a new life at 50?”, “The Wisdom Of Trauma” and “My thoughts in the mirror”. I completely agree with the idea that self-knowledge and self-identity go hand in hand.] On the one hand, let us be aware of who we really are, what we desire and what values ​​we consider important behind the layers of family and social expectations imposed on us. [Yes! These thoughts are in “The decision”. What we desire and how we achieve it in life is a very tough question. For example, I dare to admit that I have not yet understood life in certain respects. I am now learning to live. That is why, in the magical few minutes of the birth of my poem “I want it!”, the following line of poetry was born in me: “I want to know what life is!”] Otherwise, how can we know what we are talented at, what makes us passionate? [The question of what makes me talented occupied me when writing the post “Ash-baked scone”. In fact, I am moving in this direction now.] On the other hand, let us stand up for all this in our everyday lives. [I completely agree with this. I feel that most of my thoughts in my post “Forgive yourself, Soma!” are very closely related to this.] As much as possible, let us try to avoid thinking and doing anything other than what we believe in. One of the strongest examples is Socrates, who could have saved his life if he had publicly retracted his teachings, but for him the search for truth was more important than his own life.

Self-knowledge is not the same as the constant confirmation of a self-image that I have imagined for myself. Self-identity is not limited to consistently representing my goals and values. It all depends on what I mean by “you”. Who am I trying to get to know and with whom am I striving to be in harmony? [Perhaps I could say that my current path-finding is really towards myself, towards a deeper understanding of myself. I am not looking for an example of this in my thoughts so far. I clearly agree that a well-defined direction towards ourselves helps us best to create a happy life.] This is by no means my ego, with which I tend to easily identify, especially when I feel attacked. [I wrote about the development of my ego in the post “On the way to my subconscious”.] I have a deeper experience of existence, which I perceive in meditation and especially in loving moments, which is beyond my patterns, prejudices, and programming stemming from my injuries. [The writer put it so beautifully that I almost regret that I didn’t write it! I’ve shed tears quite a few times in the past few months because I felt so happy that I had to show this to the infinity watching me. And yes! I really do reach these moments when I exit the program, the state called automatic mode in mindfulness.] When I connect with this part of me, I become part of something larger. [There you go! I just wrote the word “infinity” a few moments ago…]

Self-knowledge is not a comfortable, entertaining genre at all. [Let’s just say it really isn’t! It’s never good to burn in a fire lit by cataclysms. But developing, feeling that I’m somewhere else is a good thing. Everything has a price, see “A Dream for a Dream“] It requires confrontation, which is hard inner work – to see my blind spots and the shadow parts of me that I want to cover up. [These thoughts guide me towards the coaching profession. This was the first thing I understood and learned during my coaching training. Partly based on my own and partly on an external example that fortunately arrived at the right time. I was telling someone about this just the day before yesterday.] Self-identity calls for courage, so that I dare to accept myself even in difficult situations instead of conforming. [Taking on oneself is quite a hard task. I’m used to the sometimes wide-eyed stares. I think that in today’s world, it takes a lot of courage to be able to accept yourself. However, after a little practice, it becomes easy, this is my experience.] Those in my environment who I consider self-identical can be characterized by an inner harmony and freedom, their thoughts, feelings and actions are most often in harmony with each other, they take responsibility for their lives, they do not point to others, fate, circumstances, but know that everything is a projection of their inner world, and they are the main shapers of their destiny. [Jesus! There is a lot in this sentence that I have recently discovered about myself. “Freedom, selfish freedom” comes to mind, again my views expressed in my writings “Forgive yourself, Soma!” and “Home, sweet home”.] This allows them to connect constructively with others. I also feel good around them, because I dare to give myself away as a matter of course. [Dulcina! Do you hear me? Please reread “Am I looking for you!?” my post titled!]

Self-knowledge and self-identity are not an end state, but the acceptance that I am constantly on the way to myself. [When we had our last session with the Autogenic Relaxation group mentioned in my post titled “Week of closures”, we were asked how we saw ourselves compared to the beginning of the course. I formulated my answer at the time as if I had covered an immeasurable distance on a road of unknown length in who knows how much time I had available. But it is certain that I am further along on my journey.] As Nándi described in her previous letter with the analogy of a statue: “I continue to polish the “statue” in search of my best self.” Perhaps there is no such thing – except for enlightened or holy people – that someone has completely transcended their ego, reached the state of Oneness. And although there may be differences in the degree of self-knowledge and self-identity, perhaps even more important than the current state is the orientation and intention to be in continuous dialogue with myself. [I think exactly like this. In recent months, I have often felt that I am very close to some indescribable goal. A few days later, this uncertain something seemed so far away that I even wondered if I had made any progress at all…]

To complete this journey towards self-realization, I need three more elements:

• self-reflection, to be able to perceive my own role in events, to face the thoughts, emotions, and bodily reactions that arise in me without judgment. [Again, bodily reactions. A very important question, I am learning this path as well.]
• self-acceptance, which allows me to come to terms with my shadow parts and integrate them, because without this, there is little chance of change, [“I love myself! I would not even write more than that here now, I will explain this soon in a post that helps develop round eyes.”]
• self-development, to constantly want to go deeper within myself than I have so far and discover the Self, the answer to the most important question of the Eastern spiritual tradition: “Who am I?” [“I could be anyone! Lest we think that the quote isn’t from a classic. Rango said it in the cartoon that bears his name. If I don’t want to joke – and why wouldn’t I – then I should say that this is a really difficult question. When I think that I can’t even say where I belong, how can I answer who I am!? Father? Husband? Cheated partner? Cube? Man? Little boy? Friend? Enemy? Misunderstood genius? The world’s cattle? A wisecracking rascal? Selfish? Insightful? Empathetic hater? I could be all of these and a thousand other things… In any case, I love the melting pot they call Soma.”]

This is how long the letter I received lasted, the source of which is: Önanzanos Vezető Műhely, newsletter of 2025.05.15

My momentum will last even longer, of course, as a consequence of my wandering thoughts, I have to include a song and its lyrics that I have listened to hundreds of times since 1998. Yesterday, while sitting in my car, this 27-year-old song lyrics hit me in the chest. I know every word of it, yet I hear myself in it differently than I did nearly thirty years ago.

Let this be the closing words!

Dream Theater – Learning to Live

There was no time for pain
No energy for anger
The sightlessness of hatred slips away
Walking through winter streets alone
He stops and takes a breath with confidence and self-control

I look at the world and see no understanding
I’m waiting to find some sense of strength
I’m begging you from the bottom of my heart
To show me understanding

I need to live life
Like some people never will
So find me kindness
Find me beauty
Find me truth
When temptation brings me to my knees
And I lay here drained of strength
Show me kindness
Show me beauty
Show me truth

The way your heart sounds
Makes all the difference
It’s what decides if you’ll endure
The pain that we all feel
The way your heart beats
Makes all the difference
In learning to live
Here before me is my soul
I’m learning to live
I won’t give up ’til I’ve no more to give
No more to give!

Listening to the city
Whispering its violence
I set out watching from above
The 90s bring new questions
New solutions to be found
I fell in love to be let down

Once again we dance in the crowd
At times a step away
From a common fear that’s all spread out
It won’t listen to what you say
Once you’re touched you stand alone
To face the bitter fight
Once I reached for love
And now I reach for life

Another chance to lift my life
Free the sensation in my heart
To ride the wings of dreams
Into changing horizons
It brings inner peace within my mind
As I’m lifted from where I’ve spilt my life
I hear an innocent voice
I hear kindness, beauty and truth

The way your heart sounds
Makes all the difference
It’s what decides if you’ll endure
The pain that we all feel
The way your heart beats
Makes all the difference
In learning to live
Spread before you is your soul
So forever hold the dreams within our hearts
Through nature’s inflexible grace
I’m learning to live

The post 82. | Self-knowledge and self-identity in my eyes first appeared on Digital Nomad Blog.