I don’t even know where to start writing this post… I feel like this is going to be a long post, but we’ll see in the end. With this post, I’ll move on to specific work-related areas.
I’ll start with coaching.
Coaching and Me
I’ll start with a brief summary of what coaching is. To the best of my knowledge, there is no Hungarian term for it, but I asked AI about it and I won’t stop myself from copying its answer here:
The term “coaching” does not have a universally accepted, precise Hungarian equivalent, and the original English word is used in professional parlance as well. Although translation attempts are occasionally made, such as “personal development”, “mental training” or “developmental conversation”, these do not fully cover the complexity and purpose of coaching. Interestingly, the word “coach” originally has Hungarian roots: in the 16th century, the name of the light horse-drawn carriages manufactured in the village of Kocs spread throughout Europe, and the English term “coach” was also developed from this. In the 19th century, at Oxford University, teachers who intensively prepared their students for exams, almost “carrying them on their backs”, were called “coaches”. I didn’t stop to leave this information out because Kocs is a settlement near my former home, Nagyigmánd, and I’ve been through it about a million times.
What is coaching?
Coaching is a development process in which the coach supports the client in independently finding solutions to their own questions or obstacles. It is not about counseling or therapy, but rather a partner conversation that helps to increase awareness and achieve goals. The coach does not tell you what to do, but helps you see the possibilities with questions, feedback and structured methods. During the process, the client takes responsibility for their own decisions and development. Coaching often acts as a kind of “mirror”: it helps us see ourselves and our situation more clearly.
I once seriously thought about choosing the coaching profession. It was at this time that the Hungarian legislation, of which I have seen quite a few examples since then, got in my way, and it was not the first time that it created an obstacle in shaping my future. The point is that when I thought about continuing this profession instead of IT, I felt that I had no chance.
I had a price basis to think about it. I completed these trainings:
- 2018 Life Coach course
- 2019 Business Coach course
- 2019 Past, present, future in career coaching workshop
- 2021 Team Coaching workshop
- 2022 Kain Ramsay, Udemy, Life Coaching Practitioner Certification
I just received an invitation to a one-day course at the end of May, today I will decide whether I will participate in this as well. It is called Relationship Coaching Workshop.
In 2019, I was asked to appear for 3 minutes in a commercial, for which I wrote the script at the time. (By the way, just yesterday I received a request for a leading role in an amateur film, if all goes well, this work will be completed before Thailand.) My opinion has not changed much since 2019, when I wrote these lines:
I think that participating in a training is always an investment. An investment in ourselves. I am an economist and a programmer. As an economist, I immediately connect the word investment with the concept of return.
In the case of a classic, let’s say financial investment, we have a lot of tools to measure the return, the usefulness of the investment. In the case of a “course” investment, it may never be clear whether the money, time, and energy spent on the course paid off, whether it was worth it.
I realized right away that the Indigo Life Coach training was the best investment of my life so far. Obviously, this realization also played a role in my decision to also participate in the Business Coach training.
So far 0:45
Those embarking on the path of deeper self-knowledge will experience many – and very intense – experiences during such a training. In such a course, professionalism and the method of group self-knowledge naturally appear together. For me, every minute of the hours spent in the Indigo environment was a trip of a lifetime. The basic values and tools of the coaching profession gave me a change of perspective that I can apply not only in a professional environment, but also in my everyday life, in my private and work relationships. I experienced how important it is to create a judgment-free, warm and accepting atmosphere, to use empathy and other perspectives, and to communicate assertively, to name just a few of the tools that are the basis of every helping profession.
In my opinion, self-knowledge, as one of the basic pillars of the helping profession, can only be to everyone’s advantage. These basic values can be immediately utilized in everyday life, and this is precisely the reason why I sincerely recommend anyone to participate in the Indigo courses. Not everyone will become a coach who helps others. But we can also coach ourselves and with this we and our environment gain, not a little.
2:00 so far
Indigo not only provided a professionally put together theoretical and practical training. Among other things, a professional background helps smooth work. It also gave the Indigo feeling, an atmosphere that is a pleasure to experience. The professional humility of the instructors helped to create a supportive, accepting, warm environment. They created not only simple education, but also additional forums for professional development, as I have already participated in further training courses with them, and I am also a member of the Indigo Club. We also get the opportunity to appear on other forums. We have practice days available. It is no secret that Indigo does not want to let go of our hand. Professional affiliation is a very important part of our common story.
It is also important that a sense of belonging has also developed with fellow students. Teams are formed where thinking differently and together is valued. With further training and club events, there has been a transition between different groups and cities. I have already met other Life Coach and other training colleagues from Győr, Budapest, and other cities. We can plan together how to further expand our professional knowledge with the help of Indigo. We recognize that we have common tasks to solve, and collaborations are starting to form.
As I already mentioned, I sincerely recommend Indigo, this great team, to everyone. I am grateful for every minute!
3:00 so far
I still did not become a coach for the reasons mentioned above.
How am I doing today?
My “decision” has already been made to continue my life as a digital nomad. The journey will start soon, and I have been looking for my place on the work front for some time. I am strongly considering whether to continue with the coaching activity in addition to IT, which I previously rejected for legal reasons. I have recently received several feedbacks that have directed my thinking in this direction. Among others, as mentioned in the “Week of closures” article.
Today I wrote to two coaches that I value professionally, asking if we could work together in a professional way in relation to my departure. I also started an interesting dialogue with ChatGPT.
I had previously read that coaching is a fashionable profession in digital nomad circles. I will assess the possibilities inherent in it and make my decision regarding the activity. Obviously, I have a lot of questions to resolve in this regard, but on my current journey, this kind of assistance attracts me again in an extraordinary way.
Self-knowledge and self-identity
Why did this topic come to mind today?
In my article “My sweet suffering,” I already mentioned the Self-Knowledge Leadership Workshop. Today I received another newsletter from them, titled “Self-Knowledge and Self-Identity.”
I quote the text here verbatim from them and hide in bold between the lines what I think about the topic. Actually, it was because of the analysis of this article that I thought about this article today. Here it is:
For most people, self-knowledge is a gentlemanly passion, self-serving curiosity, or perhaps navel-gazing. Yet we have also mentioned here the research result that the two determining conditions for a successful and satisfied life are self-knowledge and self-identity. [I have dealt with self-identity in my 3 previous posts: “How do I start a new life at 50?”, “The Wisdom Of Trauma” and “My thoughts in the mirror”. I completely agree with the idea that self-knowledge and self-identity go hand in hand.] On the one hand, let us be aware of who we really are, what we desire and what values we consider important behind the layers of family and social expectations imposed on us. [Yes! These thoughts are in “The decision”. What we desire and how we achieve it in life is a very tough question. For example, I dare to admit that I have not yet understood life in certain respects. I am now learning to live. That is why, in the magical few minutes of the birth of my poem “I want it!”, the following line of poetry was born in me: “I want to know what life is!”] Otherwise, how can we know what we are talented at, what makes us passionate? [The question of what makes me talented occupied me when writing the post “Ash-baked scone”. In fact, I am moving in this direction now.] On the other hand, let us stand up for all this in our everyday lives. [I completely agree with this. I feel that most of my thoughts in my post “Forgive yourself, Soma!” are very closely related to this.] As much as possible, let us try to avoid thinking and doing anything other than what we believe in. One of the strongest examples is Socrates, who could have saved his life if he had publicly retracted his teachings, but for him the search for truth was more important than his own life.
Self-knowledge is not the same as the constant confirmation of a self-image that I have imagined for myself. Self-identity is not limited to consistently representing my goals and values. It all depends on what I mean by “you”. Who am I trying to get to know and with whom am I striving to be in harmony? [Perhaps I could say that my current path-finding is really towards myself, towards a deeper understanding of myself. I am not looking for an example of this in my thoughts so far. I clearly agree that a well-defined direction towards ourselves helps us best to create a happy life.] This is by no means my ego, with which I tend to easily identify, especially when I feel attacked. [I wrote about the development of my ego in the post “On the way to my subconscious”.] I have a deeper experience of existence, which I perceive in meditation and especially in loving moments, which is beyond my patterns, prejudices, and programming stemming from my injuries. [The writer put it so beautifully that I almost regret that I didn’t write it! I’ve shed tears quite a few times in the past few months because I felt so happy that I had to show this to the infinity watching me. And yes! I really do reach these moments when I exit the program, the state called automatic mode in mindfulness.] When I connect with this part of me, I become part of something larger. [There you go! I just wrote the word “infinity” a few moments ago…]
Self-knowledge is not a comfortable, entertaining genre at all. [Let’s just say it really isn’t! It’s never good to burn in a fire lit by cataclysms. But developing, feeling that I’m somewhere else is a good thing. Everything has a price, see “A Dream for a Dream“] It requires confrontation, which is hard inner work – to see my blind spots and the shadow parts of me that I want to cover up. [These thoughts guide me towards the coaching profession. This was the first thing I understood and learned during my coaching training. Partly based on my own and partly on an external example that fortunately arrived at the right time. I was telling someone about this just the day before yesterday.] Self-identity calls for courage, so that I dare to accept myself even in difficult situations instead of conforming. [Taking on oneself is quite a hard task. I’m used to the sometimes wide-eyed stares. I think that in today’s world, it takes a lot of courage to be able to accept yourself. However, after a little practice, it becomes easy, this is my experience.] Those in my environment who I consider self-identical can be characterized by an inner harmony and freedom, their thoughts, feelings and actions are most often in harmony with each other, they take responsibility for their lives, they do not point to others, fate, circumstances, but know that everything is a projection of their inner world, and they are the main shapers of their destiny. [Jesus! There is a lot in this sentence that I have recently discovered about myself. “Freedom, selfish freedom” comes to mind, again my views expressed in my writings “Forgive yourself, Soma!” and “Home, sweet home”.] This allows them to connect constructively with others. I also feel good around them, because I dare to give myself away as a matter of course. [Dulcina! Do you hear me? Please reread “Am I looking for you!?” my post titled!]
Self-knowledge and self-identity are not an end state, but the acceptance that I am constantly on the way to myself. [When we had our last session with the Autogenic Relaxation group mentioned in my post titled “Week of closures”, we were asked how we saw ourselves compared to the beginning of the course. I formulated my answer at the time as if I had covered an immeasurable distance on a road of unknown length in who knows how much time I had available. But it is certain that I am further along on my journey.] As Nándi described in her previous letter with the analogy of a statue: “I continue to polish the “statue” in search of my best self.” Perhaps there is no such thing – except for enlightened or holy people – that someone has completely transcended their ego, reached the state of Oneness. And although there may be differences in the degree of self-knowledge and self-identity, perhaps even more important than the current state is the orientation and intention to be in continuous dialogue with myself. [I think exactly like this. In recent months, I have often felt that I am very close to some indescribable goal. A few days later, this uncertain something seemed so far away that I even wondered if I had made any progress at all…]
To complete this journey towards self-realization, I need three more elements:
- self-reflection, to be able to perceive my own role in events, to face the thoughts, emotions, and bodily reactions that arise in me without judgment. [Again, bodily reactions. A very important question, I am learning this path as well.]
- self-acceptance, which allows me to come to terms with my shadow parts and integrate them, because without this, there is little chance of change, [“I love myself! I would not even write more than that here now, I will explain this soon in a post that helps develop round eyes.”]
- self-development, to constantly want to go deeper within myself than I have so far and discover the Self, the answer to the most important question of the Eastern spiritual tradition: “Who am I?” [“I could be anyone! Lest we think that the quote isn’t from a classic. Rango said it in the cartoon that bears his name. If I don’t want to joke – and why wouldn’t I – then I should say that this is a really difficult question. When I think that I can’t even say where I belong, how can I answer who I am!? Father? Husband? Cheated partner? Cube? Man? Little boy? Friend? Enemy? Misunderstood genius? The world’s cattle? A wisecracking rascal? Selfish? Insightful? Empathetic hater? I could be all of these and a thousand other things… In any case, I love the melting pot they call Soma.”]
This is how long the letter I received lasted, the source of which is: Önanzanos Vezető Műhely, newsletter of 2025.05.15
My momentum will last even longer, of course, as a consequence of my wandering thoughts, I have to include a song and its lyrics that I have listened to hundreds of times since 1998. Yesterday, while sitting in my car, this 27-year-old song lyrics hit me in the chest. I know every word of it, yet I hear myself in it differently than I did nearly thirty years ago.
Let this be the closing words!
Dream Theater – Learning to Live
There was no time for pain
No energy for anger
The sightlessness of hatred slips away
Walking through winter streets alone
He stops and takes a breath with confidence and self-control
I look at the world and see no understanding
I’m waiting to find some sense of strength
I’m begging you from the bottom of my heart
To show me understanding
I need to live life
Like some people never will
So find me kindness
Find me beauty
Find me truth
When temptation brings me to my knees
And I lay here drained of strength
Show me kindness
Show me beauty
Show me truth
The way your heart sounds
Makes all the difference
It’s what decides if you’ll endure
The pain that we all feel
The way your heart beats
Makes all the difference
In learning to live
Here before me is my soul
I’m learning to live
I won’t give up ’til I’ve no more to give
No more to give!
Listening to the city
Whispering its violence
I set out watching from above
The 90s bring new questions
New solutions to be found
I fell in love to be let down
Once again we dance in the crowd
At times a step away
From a common fear that’s all spread out
It won’t listen to what you say
Once you’re touched you stand alone
To face the bitter fight
Once I reached for love
And now I reach for life
Another chance to lift my life
Free the sensation in my heart
To ride the wings of dreams
Into changing horizons
It brings inner peace within my mind
As I’m lifted from where I’ve spilt my life
I hear an innocent voice
I hear kindness, beauty and truth
The way your heart sounds
Makes all the difference
It’s what decides if you’ll endure
The pain that we all feel
The way your heart beats
Makes all the difference
In learning to live
Spread before you is your soul
So forever hold the dreams within our hearts
Through nature’s inflexible grace
I’m learning to live