89. | My fishing experiences

As I mentioned earlier in my post “Noisy weekdays”, there is a weekend every year when my dad and my two younger brothers spend a weekend in a house built on a pier. Today is Saturday. My younger brother wasn’t feeling well today. So he went home after lunch.

The weekend started this time – contrary to tradition – not on Friday, but on Saturday. We started by lighting a fire. In a few hours, a delicious stew was made. In the meantime, we talked about various things in life. It’s now afternoon, and the more serious aspects of life have become the focus of our conversations. I love days like this. When there’s nothing else but exchanging thoughts. This afternoon is different in that I just sat down to write. It’s like writing a diary…

My diaries

At that time, from 1992.07.12 to 1999.05.21, I wrote a diary every day for 2,504 days, that is, 6.8 years. These writings are in 13 booklets. I haven’t digitized them yet, but I will someday. I am also very curious about who I was back then.

My first entry reads: “Today I came from Kisgyón. I think it is likely that this camp was of fate-changing significance in my life. After arriving home, I had lunch, then I helped with the housework. Then I went to the disco in Bőny.” I thought about the second sentence. The word “fate-changing” has a new meaning today, despite the fact that I still remember exactly the feelings I had when I wrote these lines at the age of 16. Misremembering the term, I thought it was a fatalistic statement. To clarify this point, I asked ChatGPT:

“If I wrote at the age of 16, ‘I think this camp is likely to be a turning point in my life,’ was I a fatalist?

That’s a very good question, and it’s worth delving into a bit.

“Fatalism” in the philosophical sense means that one believes that fate is predetermined and that whatever is destined to happen will happen, regardless of what one does. A fatalist generally believes that one has no real control over events.

Your sentence, however, reads: ‘I think this camp is likely to be a turning point in my life.’

Based on this, you were not necessarily a fatalist. I would rather say that you were a sensitive, reflective young person who recognized the potential significance of an event for your own life path.

The key here lies in the phrases “I think it is likely” and “of fateful significance”:
“I think it is likely” is not a final, deterministic statement, but a cautious opinion.
And “of fateful significance” does not necessarily mean destiny – it can simply be a major event that shapes your life, but not in a fateful way.

In summary: this sentence is not evidence of fatalism, but rather of a mindset that is open to the deeper significance of life’s events. This is much more characteristic of a person striving for self-knowledge and a desire to develop, than of someone who passively accepts fate.

By the way, I participated in a literary camp in Kisgyón. It was a truly great experience. I was there on 2021.12.29 after 1992, when I went on a Blue Tour there alone. It was an interesting experience to see this place 29 years later. I was there again on 2023.11.04, again on a Blue Tour.

I remember it was good to write a diary!

So Long, and Thanks for All the Fish!

I return to the present, to today, to today’s diary.

There are questions and thoughts that I disagree with. These thoughts also evoke feelings in me. What is unusual about this weekend for me is that I can open up differently today, or show myself differently, than even just a year ago.

It has been a regular thing for years that we show each other pieces of music at this time. Dad rarely shows songs, but this time he brought the Intermezzo from Pietro Mascagni’s opera Cavalleria Rusticana.

I listened to the music in silence, while looking at the sunlight sparkling on the water of the lake and observing my feelings. For Dad, this song best describes life. Maybe that’s what I was thinking. I didn’t know that I knew this piece, but it was unfamiliarly familiar. So I asked my good friend, ChatGPT. I had a hunch as to where this piece came from and I got a confirmation answer. “Was the Intermezzo from Mascagni’s Cavalleria Rusticana featured in the movie The Godfather?”

Yes, the Intermezzo from Pietro Mascagni’s opera Cavalleria Rusticana was indeed featured in the movie The Godfather Part III (1990). This beautiful, emotional piece of music is featured at several points in the movie, especially during the final scenes, emphasizing the dramatic and tragic atmosphere. It is important to note that this music is not featured in the first two movies, but only in the third part.

I love that music is a very familiar area in my life. I love that I can easily recognize many songs almost from the first notes. Obviously, having been a musician for quite a few years helped a lot in this.

We listened to a lot of good music that day. Meanwhile, it was evening and we usually watched a movie together. The second one is already underway, and at this moment the bite signal sounds. After a hard fight, Dad pulled out an 8-kilogram, 60-centimeter long carp. After the obligatory weighing, nursing and administration, the fish was returned to the lake.

Write a comment if you know who said: “So Long, and Thanks for All the Fish!” You can also write if you know why Eddie the Head is in the picture of the post!

Neighborhood at its best

Today, the owner of one of the neighboring piers came over. For the sake of simplicity, I’ll call him Neighbor. Dad and I met Neighbor today. He told us about himself, and we told him about ourselves. In the meantime, the beer sold out well, since there were four of us drinking.

The conversation had several uplifting moments. At one point, this still-stranger noticed that I was getting emotional. He said so and gave me a long hug. Some people don’t like it when others touch them, or even just go close to them. I’m not like that people. These touches have never repelled me in my entire life. I like to touch others and I like being touched by others. The neighbor caught the moment when a hug would have been nice. By the way, it was about my children at that moment.

Neighbor is a pretty self-reflective person. I really liked his approach to life. At one point, he said that he has a responsibility in every story. He told me what he thinks a real woman is like, who is also his current partner. I also learned how simple his idea of ​​life is. The essence of his thinking is that he simply wants to be happy, and it became clear from what he said that he doesn’t need either his past or his future to do this. Despite the fact that he thinks of every moment of the past as necessary for the present.

After the Neighbor already knew where I was going, he gave some feedback on what my story looked like from his perspective. He wasn’t necessarily positive about the purpose of my departure, but I think he formed this opinion with relatively little information. He emphasized that he didn’t want to hurt me. I reassured him that he couldn’t. Of course, he can’t know me well enough to know that thoughts that are different from mine, perhaps directed negatively towards me, have not been able to throw me off balance for many years, or only rarely.

Nevertheless, it was a joy to experience when, after giving more information about myself, he suddenly fell silent and then said that he didn’t think the two of us were that different from each other. After I told him the thoughts that had accumulated in my mind over the past few months, he could see that I was doing exactly what I was saying. I knew that he could already see part of my story and understand exactly what I was going through. Then he said that he might come with me too.

It was good to be neighbors. I enjoyed the moments of meeting each other. Maybe he would have another reader of my blog, because he said he wanted to know how my journey was going, what adventures I would experience.

The day passed in silence after that.

Rapunzel

There is a song that I can only listen to almost every time I am in tears or can’t breathe to hide it. That’s why I usually only listen to this favorite song in the car.

So it’s quite a risk to show someone else the song that I would otherwise show everyone. The moment I was moved by the song, the Neighbor noticed me and hugged me afterwards.

The song was for private use. Until now. (I’m finishing this post on Monday, I didn’t have time to deal with it on Sunday.) Yesterday, the day after fishing, I called my older daughter to tell her how proud I was of her and how much I loved this song, and to ask her if she would agree to put it on YouTube. She was happy with my honesty and the idea of ​​putting the song on YouTube.

It turns out that this is her favorite song too.

I have listened to this song many times, in this performance. The lyrics say twice that “This minute is happiness”, so when I listen to it, I usually think twice about how happy it is to hear my own child singing. In this song, I really hear myself. And my younger daughter. And a lot of everyone else. Because the power this song has because of my daughter’s voice always stirs my soul. It shows what we can read in the lyrics, everything is so beautiful here, that my heart has reached its destination, I can finally see the light and the shadows are far away. This minute is happiness and happiness is always just this exact moment. Colorful dream images await. Everything is beautiful, everything has become so different, now that I see you, now that I see myself. She was here and she was waiting for me, so my heart has reached its destination. It is still good to rest in myself. There is still a long way to go before we can hug each other tightly and for a longer time. But until then, a Neighbor always comes, I always hear a melody and I am always surrounded by light. Thank you, my daughters, for the many minutes of happiness I received from you!

How to continue?

We started this kind of family fishing together in 2017. We obviously stopped during the pandemic, but even then: it’s already a tradition. I think it’s pointless to think about next year now, since I haven’t even started yet. I’m hoping that we can continue this family tradition in some form…