In the middle of the summer, a thought struck me. I was sitting with a group of people in Vietnam when someone remarked:
Most people don’t know what happiness means for them, because they don’t know what happiness is. Or perhaps they have simply forgotten!
I have found myself reflecting on these words many times since then.
The time has come for me to write something about this.
Thoughts on Happiness
This will not necessarily be a piece of self-reflection—at least, that is not how I am setting out to write it. We shall see whether I can step outside my usual, well-established role. (By the second point, I could already see that this was not going to work. No matter; it was merely an experiment.)
In this post, I intend to follow this structure:
- Problem Statement
- Conceptual Clarification
- Existing Theories
- My Own Thesis
- Arguments and Counterarguments
- Conclusion
1. Problem Statement
Is there a universally valid definition of happiness?
Of the two statements made in Vietnam, the first offered an interesting observation: most people do not know what happiness means for them, because they do not know what happiness is in a general sense.
I recall that the contradiction within that statement immediately caught my attention.
I am not at all convinced that a “general” definition of happiness is necessary for a person to be in touch with themselves.
Is there a universally valid definition of happiness? Is there even a generally acceptable definition of “happiness” at all? Is such a thing necessary for individuals to then construct their own personal definitions?
To look at this issue from another angle: Are we capable of creating our own definitions?
And finally, the real question: Is it necessary for us to define this concept in order to truly be happy?
2. Conceptual Clarification
How does happiness differ from joy, contentment, and inner peace?
I use the term “happiness” in my everyday communication.
However, based on my experience, the people around me do not really use this word in their daily interactions. This might suggest that the subject is not all that important.
Instead of this rarely used term, three others appear much more frequently in conversation: joy, contentment, and inner peace. The first is perhaps the most commonplace; the second is somewhat more elevated; and the third is surrounded by a strong sense of spirituality.
Are we talking about the same thing when we use these terms? Is there a distinction between them, or can they be used as synonyms?
I believe it is important to distinguish between these states—even if there is no significant difference in their actual definitions. There is one reason for this: the very act of making such a distinction is what allows the term “happiness” to emerge in everyday conversation. As for why this matters—at least in my view—I will explain later in this piece.
In a text focused on a single definition, attempting to define three other terms might not be the most ideal approach. Yet, in this case, it may be necessary. Perhaps it will suffice to define these other words just enough to make the differences clear.
What does joy mean? I consider it an everyday sentiment. We are capable of finding joy in so many things—as if our inclination toward joy were greater than the joy itself. For instance: “I’m glad you like it!” I’ve heard the phrase “I am very happy that you like it so much!” far less often. Or consider another common example: “I’m glad to see you!” It is likewise not very common to hear, “I am happy to see you!”
Perhaps it is the time frame and the scale that distinguish joy from happiness. We tend to experience joy quickly and in relation to “smaller” things. Happiness, on the other hand—at least in the common understanding—is something long-term and of greater significance.
When am I satisfied?
Perhaps by sticking to examples, we can get closer to the meaning? “I am satisfied with your work!” Rather than, “I am happy that you did such a good job!” Or: “I am satisfied with the result of the match.” Why not, “I am happy that we won 3–2!”?
It is as if satisfaction and happiness were distinguished by the presence of a specific outcome. Are we satisfied with things that yield a result—and yet not happy with the outcome itself?
Finally, there is the question of inner peace—and, along with it, spirituality. I won’t be exploring this particular line of thought here and now, either. But I often get the feeling that, at times—perhaps unjustifiably—we attach labels to things that run counter to simplicity. “Balanced.” “Authentic.” “Well-being.” “Quality of life.” “Mindfulness.” “Work-life balance.” The list could go on forever.
It is as if the concept sounds more serious when presented in different packaging. I am not suggesting that this is solely for commercial reasons. But I pose the question: where would you rather go for the weekend—a “happiness” course or a “mindfulness” course? In a job interview, what is the “correct” answer when asked about your goal at a given company: personal development or happiness? And finally, what would we expect from the work of a coach—to help cultivate a positive outlook on life, or to help one be happy?
I believe that all the terms appearing in this chapter point in the same direction. Could that direction perhaps be happiness itself? That said, there is nothing wrong with any of these terms; none are particularly “recommended,” nor are any to be “discarded.”
It is simply my view that, in everyday language, experiencing joy, feeling content, or living with inner peace is not the same thing as being “happy.”
For me—and this need not be the definition for everyone—inner peace means responding to life’s questions consciously. Whatever answer I give to a question, I am at peace with it. I accept my own response. I do not blame myself if that response bears no resemblance to my initial expectations. If necessary, I immediately forgive myself for that choice. I approach these questions with a mindset—learned through coaching—that, in that specific moment, I chose what was “best” for myself. If—even just a little bit—later on I see the question and the answer differently, that is not a problem. It is a step forward.
3. Existing Theories
Aristotle, Epicurus, Seneca, and modern psychological approaches.
I looked up a few definitions of this concept from well-known figures. While writing, it occurred to me how interesting it would have been to conduct my “Happiness Interview” with them. Since that isn’t possible, let’s take the traditional approach of interpreting these quotations.
I have arranged these ideas chronologically. Even so, my interest lies not in the evolution of happiness over time, but rather in whether any underlying patterns or questions can be discovered within these quotes.
1. Aristotle (384–322 BC)
“Happiness is an activity of the soul in accordance with virtue.”
Interpretation: Happiness is not merely a pleasant feeling, but the realization of a life lived well and virtuously.
2. Epicurus (341–270 BC)
“Pleasure is the beginning and the end of a happy life.”
Interpretation: Here, pleasure does not mean unbridled indulgence, but rather freedom from physical pain and mental turmoil.
3. Seneca (4 BC – 65 AD))
“A happy life is one that is in harmony with its own nature.”
Interpretation: The foundation of happiness is a life in harmony with reason, virtue, and the order of nature.
4. Baruch Spinoza (1632–1677)
“Happiness is not the reward for virtue, but virtue itself.”
Interpretation: Happiness is not something we receive at the end of a righteous life; it resides within the righteous life itself.
5. John Stuart Mill (1806–1873)
“By happiness, we mean pleasure and the absence of pain.”
Interpretation: The essence of happiness lies in the presence of pleasures and the absence of suffering; however, Mill distinguishes between higher and lower-order pleasures.
6. Bertrand Russell (1872–1970)
Summary: One of the most important sources of happiness is turning toward other people and the affairs of the world with sincere, affectionate interest.
Interpretation: According to Russell, turning toward the world—rather than constantly revolving around oneself—leads to greater happiness.
7. Viktor Frankl (1905–1997)
“Happiness cannot be pursued; it must arise as a consequence.”
Interpretation: Happiness is not a direct goal, but rather a by-product of a meaningful life and a commitment undertaken for the sake of something or someone.
8. 14th Dalai Lama (1935–)
“Happiness primarily signifies a sense of deep contentment.”
The foundation of true happiness is inner peace, compassion, and a loving attitude—not the accumulation of material possessions.
9. Thich Nhat Hanh (1926–2022)
Summary: Happiness is a sense of peace and freedom that can be experienced in the present moment—without the need for all our desires to be fulfilled first.
Interpretation: There is no need to wait for perfect circumstances. The possibility for happiness can exist right now.
10. Martin Seligman (1942–)
Summary: The three fundamental components of happiness are the experience of positive emotions, deep engagement in activities, and a sense of meaning in life.
Interpretation: Later, this theory was expanded into a five-element framework of well-being—the PERMA model—which also incorporates relationships and accomplishment.
Examining these theories, at least four distinct perspectives emerge:
a) Happiness as pleasure and the absence of suffering – Epicurus, Mill.
b) Happiness as a life lived rightly – Aristotle, Seneca, Spinoza.
c) Happiness as inner peace and acceptance – the Dalai Lama, Thich Nhat Hanh.
d) Happiness as a consequence of meaning and commitment – Frankl, and in part Russell and Seligman.
For me, these are the patterns that emerge from the theories of earlier thinkers.
Viewing them through the lens of my own perspective, I have examined the four points and reached the following conclusions.
I identify most strongly with point (c), and to some extent with point (d). Point (a) resonates with me the least, while point (b) is something I also accept in part—though with less weight than point (d).
Considering the ideas of the great thinkers cited above, I am naturally led to ask: Is happiness something we feel, something we experience, or something we recognize?
Perhaps the truth, as is often the case, lies somewhere along the boundaries between these questions. Having pondered the nature of happiness for a long time, I suspect I could not provide a precise definition; rather, it would likely be a “blend” of many different dimensions.
4. My Own Thesis
Is happiness an emotion, a state of consciousness, or an attitude toward life?
To arrive at a definition of my own, I need to explore this question further.
As I see it today, happiness is a response—or, more precisely, a collection of responses—to the questions life constantly poses. For me, this signifies a state of consciousness: specifically, a state of consciousness defined by one’s attitude toward life. Naturally, this also encompasses emotions—recognizing and experiencing them—in a way that is both conscious and spontaneously lived.
Yes, in my own thinking, this too is constructed according to a “a little bit of everything” recipe.
5. Arguments and Counterarguments
Can happiness be examined objectively? Can a person be happy while suffering?
I believe that an objective examination of happiness is largely unfeasible—at least in the conventional sense of objectivity. I cannot conceive of a “happiness test” or a “happiness metric.” I do not believe that the happiness of another person can be easily assessed from the “outside.”
I believe that every individual has a unique relationship with happiness—specifically, with their own happiness. This is precisely why a definitive, universal definition is so difficult to formulate.
However—based on my own experience—I place great stock in subjective assessment. I have encountered many people who seem to be surrounded by a sense of—if not outright unhappiness, then at least—a “lack of happiness.” This is a highly subjective judgment—in this instance, mine alone. And, as is customary, I must add that I could be mistaken.
I have met countless people who claimed to be happy, yet I could perceive no such state in them. Their relationship with the world, their thoughts, and their inner unrest suggested otherwise. Furthermore, I have had the opportunity to meet many individuals who, while not unhappy, existed in a neutral state—a sort of “what is there for me to be happy about right now?”—and who, in effect, neither stated nor demonstrated that they were happy.
What is important here is that my own “judgment” does not matter. If I meet someone who I might think is unhappy, but they say they are happy, I do not question it. I do not pass judgment. I am simply glad that they are happy.
Surprisingly, I have encountered many examples in my life of happiness experienced amidst suffering—often in people of great impact, individuals we can look upon with admiration. Their lives may be burdened or restricted in some way; they find themselves in circumstances where it is very difficult for an outsider to even imagine happiness being possible. Yet, these individuals radiate happiness.
I have also met everyday heroes. One of the most impactful encounters I’ve had was with a 25-year-old guy. I conducted a “Happiness Interview” with him. He mentioned that he had gone through a difficult period during which he was not happy at all. However, during the interview, he stated clearly that he is happy now. After the interview concluded—off-camera—I asked him a question. I wanted to know what had helped him get through that difficult time, and how he managed to become happy again. I wasn’t interested in the specifics of that difficult period—simply because most of us go through such times ourselves. My question wasn’t focused on the suffering, but rather on the solution. Even so, he chose to share the cause. Two years before the interview, he lost his son… Yet, now he is happy.
This does not necessarily answer whether it is possible to be happy while in the midst of suffering. But it certainly shows that one can be happy, even when faced with a difficult life.
6. Conclusion
An answer to the original question—or, perhaps, the formulation of one’s own definition of happiness.
I cannot provide a universally valid definition of what happiness is. I believe this follows clearly from the points I have already made.
However, I can offer a definition based on how I perceive the world. This is my definition—and with it, I also address the idea raised in the first point.
While a universal definition is not necessary, I believe that everyone should craft their own. This allows the individual to clearly understand what, specifically, triggers this feeling for them—enabling them to experience it consciously.
I believe this because it is what I have experienced in my own life. I have come to realize that simply being present in the moment is not enough; for me, this awareness now carries much greater significance. In the past, I might have noticed a butterfly flying by—perhaps even paused for a moment to watch it—before moving on. That part remains the same today. The difference is that now, I add a thought—either to myself or, when in company, by saying it aloud: “What beautiful colors this butterfly has.” I do this so that the feeling does not merely pass through me, but is also observed by my mind. Emotion and intellect.
This is why I consider it important to define: “What does happiness mean to me?”
My definition is as follows:
Happiness, for me, is an attitude toward life. A core component of this attitude is the conscious cultivation of the ability to recognize my own emotions. While I experience the feelings that arise spontaneously, I also analyze them and give them a name. I say out loud: “I am happy about this right now.” “This is beautiful.” “This tastes good.” “This smells wonderful.” “This is gorgeous.” For me, the emphasis is on the word “now.” I have learned to notice the elements in my environment that evoke feelings within me—and I believe that such elements surround me in almost every moment. The Miracle Is Already Here. Furthermore, another crucial part of my personal definition is that I have internalized my own traumas, grief, and suffering—treating them as friends, as familiar sensations. I do not deny them, nor do I seek to “let them go”—because, in my view, that is not possible. I am at peace with them.
I have decided to be happy. Now. Not tomorrow. This includes both my negative and positive emotions. As I write this, for instance, my right ear is in intense pain. Yet, I am happy. Simply because suffering does not define my world. I repeat: because I have chosen this.
Because this is the response I wish to offer the world.
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